the view of a nothing

2005-01-01T03:42:00.001+08:00

hello my darlings. as it is a new year i have changed blogs. u should be redirected there in a few seconds if not, pls click on THIS.

been a great blog, but its time to move on. LOVE.

2005-01-01T03:42:00.000+08:00

hello my darlings. as it is a new year i have changed blogs. u should be redirected there in a few seconds if not, pls click on THIS.

been a great blog, but its time to move on. LOVE.

2004-12-30T21:32:00.000+08:00

[: -SINGS- THE IXUS 40 IS MINNEEEEEE~!

YAY! LALALAAAAA.. [[:

im looking fer names fer it. jint suggested lolita, mon petite(my baby), cherie, antoinette and georgette. huis suggested FLASHER. HAHA. so funky.. but jinying and fiona are totally agst it. kheng wants it t be named WAI GEK. fer wot reason i DO NOT NOE. samsam is agst everything. and sue wants it named SUE. i told her tt i wanted it t be sexy and tts why i CANNOT name it sue (ha bastarding you right sue?)
i still think chloe.. mmm. dunno eh.

watching the tsunami disaster being tracked on the news. the stories are amazing and heat-rendering. like the mother who had to make the choice o letting one son go. luckily he managed t cling to a door and survived.hes 5. and the taiwanese girl who hung to a tree for 20 hours. shes 6.

and dun u think its just wrong to be celebrating on a beach when so many thousands have died on a beach not far from here? countries are cancelling their celebrations out of respect fer the tsunami victims. singapore? no..

another year? wots there to celebrate. it comes every 365 days. and its just a reason to get high and grope each other. theres no meaning to it.

too cold to blog. goodnight.

2004-12-29T23:31:00.000+08:00

the form of beauty lies in the ... ixus 40.

hahaha. i saw it today. held it in my arms today. it was whipped away all too soon.

LOLS. yes im gna get my darling ixus 40 tom. today went t check out all e stuff and decided on e ixus 40 cos its got a good resolution, optical zoom, is more compact than the 500 [and i dun need 5 megapixels anyway], has a bigger screen that the ixus 30 [which has only 3.2 megapixels].

the metal. ohh so smooth. so sleek. oh eye&finger orgasms. HAHA.

i need a name fer her. its a her. shes too pretty t be a guy. hahaha..

aite sleep.

2004-12-28T21:26:00.000+08:00

lost my denim jacket in sch today. left it in writcom class. bah. tom i have t go fer CATS. jesus. idea journal (2) due on monday as well as outline. radio script due thurs. marketing shit due friday. im too tired to do anything tho.

i know haloscan sucks fuck. i cant see yer tags and have resorted t having ppl cnp em t me. BAH. use e gbk fer a bit if u find it too slow or sth.im gna be changing either blogs or blogskins soon so yeah. cos this blog is becoming old. and there are some memories tt shld be discarded. all my firsts recorded on this blog. ah we'll see how it goes.

i did some "existing situation" thing a few months back. and at tt time i didnt want t believe tt my relationship was surpressing me and stressing me out, making me irritable. but yes.. tts wot it was. i am a idealist. that i know. and something just wasnt congruent with the whole "happy" picture. i ignored it. but subconsiously it gnawed at me until i became petty, quick to anger and unfeeling.

i hate being/feeling vulnerable, yet in actual fact all you have t do is look at me closely and ull see wots under tt whole facade.

maybe i wasnt as happy as i though i was. but sometimes i just knew that i was happy. and when i knew.. i knew.

this is so rambly. ha i dun think anyones reading anymore.

ha and reza is superduper funny. he was demonstrating how "loose" boobs look like w his hand. OMG. damn funny. and k**th and him have so much friction between em its UBER FUNNY. like BITCH FIGHHTTT. oh man k**th is such a bitch. cant bloody stand it. he did some DIVA move just now going WHAT-EVERRRR. HA. /ME ROLLS EYEBALLS.
i love the people around me. they make my day so much better. and they tire me out so that i dun stay up at night. i hate school but love the people. -hug-.

this is fucking crap. i need to work. nights

2004-12-27T23:19:00.000+08:00

3 is my unlucky number. SERIOUSLY.

thrid day o christmas [ie today, sucked]. my weds always suck. when i was young i all e accidents i had were on wed. [serious]. break up- wed. thrid time we came closer t breaking, we did break. AH HA! SEE!

anyway, i want my chaos skirt. NB. damn pissed tt i cldnt get it cos my aunt forgot her damned chaos card. BOOOBAHHH.

i feel dead on my feet. well ass now but yes i still feel dead. unrested and unrestful. head is bunged up. like a head cold. stuffy. tird shits.

[: getting my ixus [either 40 or i5] on thursday. ah not a wednesday. hurr.

talked abt my state now with jinying&fiona and i realise im grateful fer something tt this relationship has given me. ha one of many things. i am grateful tt i now know wot exactly t look fer in a guy before getting into a relationship agn. dun think im into guys o e same age anymore cos they just havent seen enuff hardship t mature. i need someone whos been through the pain tt i have, and has grown from it. someone who is more idealistic perhaps. yet can keep me grounded when i need it. yet can fly away on one o my dreams [or his].

i cant be bothered t do work now. i shall do it tom.

mindless chores. numbly doing them.

2004-12-27T01:21:00.000+08:00

heyheyHEY.

i think..

i just might be alright. [: thankyou to all of you.
can i say im proud o myself? cos i am.

and im so thankful to all of you. -hug-

2004-12-25T09:38:00.000+08:00

Empty Chairs-

I feel the trembling tingle of a sleepless night
Creep through my fingers and the moon is bright
Beams of blue come flickering through my window pane
Like gypsy moths that dance around a candle flame

And I wonder if you know
That I never understood
That although you said you'd go
Until you did I never thought you would

Moonlight used to bathe the contours of your face
While chestnut hair fell all around the pillow case
And the fragrance of your flowers rest beneath my head
A sympathy bouquet left with the love that's dead

Never thought the words you said were true
Never thought you said just what you meant
Never knew how much I needed you
Never thought you'd leave, until you went

Morning comes and morning goes with no regret
And evening brings the memories I can't forget
Empty rooms that echo as I climb the stairs
And empty clothes that drape and fall on empty chairs

And I wonder if you know
That I never understood
That although you said you'd go
Until you did I never thought you would

2004-12-24T15:40:00.000+08:00

thankyou to all those who showed yer concern. -hug-

friends and sisters are a real blessing

had a convo w kesh online on wed night at 0200 cos i cldnt sleep. and she understood everything i was saying. she shared some o e pain and her invaluable advice. coming from someone who knows the anguish. and keshia always has the right words. and she knew where i was coming from; that friends and family were nice but they just dun hold you the same way. they dun make you feel that way. so true.

sue ann has been another angel. today when i was feeling a bit low she told me tt his love didnt go. it just changed. yes. and now[well in 2 weeks] i will work on getting it changed.

feel like that walking dead.
to love and trust agn. i need a year or two.

thankyou to those who were out looking on wed. im sorry i worried you.

thankyou kelvin. i love you too.
thankyou to the sisterhood who called and msged and loved.
thankyou yaozhi. for being there when i needed.

thankyou lastly to the boy himself. for everything.

---------

"I know him so well"-

Nothing is so good it lasts eternally,
Perfect situations must go wrong,
But this have never yet prevented me,
Wanting far to much,
For far too long,

Looking back I could have played it differently,
Won a few more moments who can tell,
But it took time to understand men,
Now at least I know,
I know him well,

Wasn't it good,
Oh so good,
Wasn't he fine,
Oh so fine,
Isn't madness he can't be mine,
But in the end he needs a little bit more than me,
More, security,
He needs fantasy and freedom,
I know him so well,

No one in your life is with you constantly,
No one is completely on your side,
And though I'd move my world to be with him,
Still the gap between us is too wide,

Wasn't it good,
Oh so good,
Wasn't he fine,
Oh so fine,
Isn't madness he won't be mine,
Didn't I know,
How it would go
If I knew from the start,
Why am I falling apart?

2004-12-22T21:11:00.000+08:00

my life is over.

he doesnt love me.
oh how simple.

someone pls take away the pain. someone pls kill me. before i kill myself.

my eyes wun stop crying. my head wun stop pounding. and my heart wun stop beating. no matter how much i will it to.

and the best part of this show is that

i still love him.
oh so much.

2004-12-19T22:52:00.000+08:00

put up and decorated e tree today. two instalments t finish.

[: bought red tinsel & baubles from e robinsons sale at expo. went almost at closing so it was emptyyy. heh. e tree is prettttyy. im happppyyy.

so christmas is coming and it doesnt feel like it. AT ALL. nopes. fer heavens sake, school on christmas eve, and on e monday straight after? oh e rest o e family is leaving fer msia on e 26th so my baby is gna come round and spend e/a night/s. [[:

dance today was good. not tt tough [which is a good thing] but sweaty [which is good too]. felt quite.. rejuvinated. well no.. but at least i felt FITTER.

ive got rets on my legs, arms and face! look like mosie bites, but tts not possible. leon says i have bed bugs. ahhh damn. i have t change my sheets.

keke, done. sleepy. need t do some work. shit. how unchrismassy. nvm. ill meditate in fronta my tree t make me feel happy.

NIGHT.

2004-12-18T18:54:00.000+08:00

ahhhhh i have sinned.

went t shang palace fer lunch t have dim sum [YUMYUM], but mommy said we looked so hungry tt she ordered like half e menu. oooh i serious could puke by e time we got t e ee-fu noodles. good god. i had 2 siew mai, 2 ha gao, 2 xiao long baos, 2 scallop dumpling things, one carrot cake, tt long flat seasme covered one i cant rem e name off, several vegetarian things, one longevity bun, zhu chang fen, several fried stuff [mango and prawn, erms abt 3 other dishes as well], springrolls,dumplingsdumplings and more dumplings ee-fu noodles and some desert thing. im sure there are a few more which i left out. point being.. i ate till i wanted t puke. had t walk arnd fer a while w my sis t let e food settle. woahhhhh.. sad case can. GRAPEFRUIT JUICE PLEASE!

oh yeah grapefruit juice is danny boey's secret t losing 16 kligs in a year. and he ate normally too. woah.. i shall endeavour t follow in his footsteps.

oh, i was supposed t have damned tap&modern. and it was cancelled. and kimberly was spsd t tell me. but no, she didnt. gees. so we went and were given e bad news. BAH. i cld have met leon t go w him t cut his hair. poor lonely boy.

sorry baby. -kiss yer cheek. cute? hurr.

okiepokie, i need t go do horrid work.
will someone give me money?

2004-12-17T23:47:00.000+08:00

i miss sleeping beauty.
not likely she will ever see this, but JENNA, I MISS YOU. we bonded darl. and tt sorority house cum dressing room will always be in my memory. thankyou fer making this experience bearable and even, dare i say it. wonderful. [:

but at e same time i missed all o those things i was doing before sleeping beauty.

the cast party was aite. i got one last good eye contact w YY before walking off, never t see em agn. ahh.. i miss seeing e dancers. i do i do i dooooo.
i even miss e young peeps. damn maen..

met leon today after sch [it dragged], and went t millenia walk. [[: met leabea and kells fer dins and drinks.

got me thinking o mmmm roads. like a road tt follows in more or less e same basic cookie cutter mold then start t feather and go off e beaten track then branch into a multitude o different paths. some in opp directions, some in parellels. but each road different and brilliant. new people, new directions, new aims, new experiences. exposure and influences.

i think ill write a writcom entry on it.

thankyou t all those ppl who hugged and msged and tagged and showed concern. [: really. its much aprreciated. I LOVE YOU ALL.
thanks especially to ther best friend a girl can get. i dun see you much babe, but i know yer always always there. thankyou for helping me. and him. he says he dreaded wot wld/might have happened if it werent fer you. and so do i. thankyou chow sue ann. i love you. [: -hug-

ok. tired out. in need o cash.

nights. [:

2004-12-14T11:34:00.000+08:00

and we will live through.

2004-12-12T18:42:00.000+08:00

this is all a nightmare.

please let me wake up.

2004-12-12T17:05:00.000+08:00

i dont want to let you go.

i cant

2004-12-12T16:27:00.000+08:00

Im a big big girl
in a big big world
its not a big big thing
if You leave me

who am I lying too?

but I do do feel
that I do do will
miss You much

can you hear my heart breaking? the tears just wont stop.
is this how the end feels

2004-12-09T01:29:00.000+08:00

alright. my update fer this week. im a busybusy bee. [:

so school.. well its alright. mm e teachers are all okay, e work is shit, e company is wonderful. [: being back in school is okay. e friends make it so good. ahhh hahaha xmy is waiting fer monday t come cos dj yaoyao is coming t town. LOLS. so writcom is e killer [can alr feel traces o e evil t come] and marketing is e bore. but ah competant teachers all along e way. not like a certain person gg by e initials NWC.ha speaking o nwc, darling melissa and poor syed have her. HAHA. goooood luck maen. kesh tt lucky girl has e best one.

sleeping beauty rehs are okay. [: i get t stand in e box and look out and see e whole ballet frm start t finish [except when im dancing o course] which is great. ive been gg from sch t reh everyday and rehs end at 11 now. bahh. tired shits. im too tired t get a move on e work, cos i come back at 12 everyday. nvm.. just till wed and im good. if u like hai ying and fu liang, and dun care abt e rest go fer e first cast. if u want an all around better show w a worse prince[MUCH.. gees compared t fu liang?] and a worse princess[zhoulin just cant get her doubles]. fu liang and hai ying look VERY good tgt. [: beautifullll.esp e pa de deux at end o act2. awwwww. e antics o e dancers are amusing. hahaha..

sleepy. night. love.

2004-12-05T17:23:00.000+08:00

aeii havent been online much. figured i shldnt spend so much tym here cos school starts TOMORROW?!

theres only one word which is FUCK. i do NOT want t go back t sch.

why?
cos tt spells e end o spending everyday w leon. and tt also means e end o slackness. this term is gna be HELL ON EARTH. ]: ]: SADSADDDDDDDDD.
and when leon goes back t sch. it means.. once a week once again.

okok stop whining alr.

anyway, e ny party was... alright. huis and i made wyn come. lols. [: humans made e party good. kelv, michelle, wyn [later willie], huis, elizabeth and her cousin [vanesssa?], leons friends and leon. they played weird music fer e longest tym. and e temp on e dance floor was whoooowheeeee. sweating like madness. at times it was quite good. hahaha oh mich thinks kian is handsome, elizabeth thinks jeremy is goodlooking[she used t likeeee him] and huis thinks tt leonard is cute. o course i think tt leon is e best [a bit biased eh?], so e only one left out is poor kenrick. haha.. leon says tt his face attracts lians. lols. anyways left rouge at abt 0145. sat and talked w leon till 245 then we cabbed back. sucks living on diff corners o this island. cab fare is damned ex. esp w midnight surcharge.

dreading every single minute t brings me closer t tomorrow.

oh come see sleeping beauty. ITS GOOD. not my part, bt e rest... really good. e choreo is wonderful.

this is random and listless. sorry.

np ppl.. aeii.. ill see you tomorrow. -___-. non np ppl, FEEL FER US.

2004-12-02T10:16:00.000+08:00

been listening t jamie cullum fer e past few days/nights t put me t sleep. nahh hes not boring, his voice is just very soothing. [:

ahhh jenna asked me yesterday "would you ever say tt this whole thing was WORTH IT?". i thot fer a bit and said "maybe"... once i forget all e hours o buttache and boringness and getting scolded fer nothing by e bald bastard, i think i just may. mmm okay e expierience is good yes. mm seeing ppl like toru, fu liang, china-man-in-black-tee, hai ying, mei xing.. maybe its worth it. ah leons here.

leon>hi im here. and adri sucks hahahaha. oh my i love her so much. ok back to her. (:

lols.. tts my baby fer you. [:

edit at 2055>>
after i sent him off at pasir ris so tt he cld go watch his brother's bmt pass out parade [pass out right?] at tekong, i went t meet sue and some other vjcians cos tonights theyre prom! and after tt theyre gg t jaynes party. they were doing their makeup&hair at jean yips. yups.. oh e party at chinablack.. ha wyn called and asked whether i was gg and when i told her it was a vj party she now doesnt want t go. LOL.. cos she went fer yj party [unknowingly] and found it fucking boring [she later realised it was a yj party o course],so shes scared t go t another sch party. hurr. speaking o which! tom is ny party. im gg, and so shld all o u!

sleeping beauty reh today was a total waste o time. more than usual. i neednt have gone cos jenna and i sat outside oggling at hot dancers in g strings [UNDER e costumes.. translucent costumes ;)] fer e whole damned 3 hrs.
ooh it was dress reh today and e costumes are erms amazingly elaborate but obviously extremely hot. especially in our lovely singaporean weather. bahh! tomorrow is my turn t use tt horrid costume. eurgh... my costume is EWW. its some long sleeve shirt/pullover thingy tt is fer girls o 11 years o age. erms I HAVE BOOBS BTW? and e best thing is tt e back is dyed [yes they diy-ed dyed it] a different colour from e front. OOHHHWHHEE... i look forward t wearing tt fuglyfied costume. not.
ha e highlight o e reh was laughing at mr outlined-balls. LOLS. his balls were UBERFIED outline. HAHA.. sickshit. maybe he wasnt wearing unders. ahhh but fu liang looked gooood in his g string. hurrrr.

mmmm... yest we had a discussion abt our fights and wot causes em and stuff like tt. serious shite.. but alls good. this december will be horrible. i have no doubt. but im gna deal w it like e big girl i am. HA.
whys it horrible? mmm 2 personages tt are coming t town. [no its not santa and mrs claus]. and i have school and leon does not. furthermore there are personal shit tt i need t sort out [so tt i dun cause any more fights] and t make it worse, we only get ONE DAY OFF fer christmas. well one day which is marked on our calender. but you noe wot? CHRISTMAS IS ON A SATURDAY! so wot holiday la. ]: ]: sadsad t say e least.

i shall stop bitching and moaning and go drown my sorrows in e shower.

2004-11-29T23:50:00.000+08:00

false idols

earlier in e day kheng and i were talking abt e mmmm remarkable standard o english o sylvester and his fans. such as " i like him cos his singing power very good" or perhaps "his face is very cute. can make girls go crazy one." [: you see.

well whichever one wins. [i have no doubt it will be sylvester. sadly]. its just a case o false idols. pun intended.

fu liang [an sdt dancer] made darling jennette and marissa scream and go into hysetrics. just because... he walked by them and he said t marissa tt her piroquette was "nice". LOL. damned amusing. they went UBER high. ahhh but admittedly, his piroquettes are fucking amazing.and his sesse[triple beat o e feet in e air] is god damned.. out o this world. and his muscles rippling through e air are somewhat breathtaking. he is now known as simply.. HE.xP.
nahh i still dig My Boy. no worries.

speaking o which. im waiting fer him t call me. his parents took his phone before he went t camp. ]: so he has t call from other ppls phone. bahh.. ba black sheep ali ali wooooo. lols

oh i am being forced t skip a few lessons next week cos o fucking sleeping beauty. i will NEVER audition fer these shits EVER BLOODY AGAIN. its BORING and its a WASTE O TIME. dammitttttttttttttt... i do NOT want t skip sch. jesus. never again man.

2 days 2 nights left

2004-11-27T22:10:00.000+08:00

]:

i miss leon.
already.

such a weak piece o shit.

only fer tt boy. tt boy.

My Boy.
i miss you.
4 days and 4 nights left.

2004-11-27T16:49:00.000+08:00

both my bestfriend and my boyfriend are uncontactable. well, sue isnt really, but leon sure is. sue lost her handphone, well left it in a cab and someone took it. leons in some leadership training camp and is dead t e rest o e world fer 5 days and 4 nights. ]:

oh and my friends are all missing as well. sams in bangkok and when she gets back shes flying of t bali e next day or sth. kheng and yao zhi and e turbs are out conquering msia, one state at a time. nahh theyve gone t penang fer a hol. and no these arent my only friends but e closer ones i guess. online is dropdead-dead. but ive gt dance every single damned day next week from 1545 t 1900. alot o aching asses tts fer sure. BAHH.

im full o complaints.

i shall complain o this place at stadium waterfront where my mom and i had dins yest. its called erms somehitn grill and the service is appaling. the waitors and waitresses dont noe a flying shit abt e food. they dont know wot goes into it and dont even noe wot e damned soup o e day is. we had t ask fer bread. and then ask again fer butter. which was rock solid. and when we complained t e head waitor he brought us more butter but it tasted SERIOUSLY like WAX. eq.. cld bloody puke.
oh and we cldnt find parking space at e stadium cos we didnt noe tt jay chou was having a concert. cldnt figure out wot was e event cos there werent any like posters or other indicators. i thought it was winnie e pooh & my mom thot it was some tribute band called e beatles.

enough o e complaints.

so yest i had a good time w leon. went down t yck cos he had squash and we went t j8 t eat and watch a movie. had pasta mania which made me feel sick. it was e cream sauce la [im lactose intolerant ie allergic t milk]. bought tickets t bridget jones; e edge o reason [surprisingly good seats considering we didnt get t choose] which was quite alright. after e movie we made a lil pleasant detour and then went t ya kun fer toast. [: trained t town and i dropped at somerset t meet my mom at her boss's place and he at dhoby. [[:

they arent allowed phones on e camp but i convinced him t bring his and hide it among his unders. anyway when we were at j8 we ran into izzam and fawwaz who said they were bringing their phones as well. so there. [: oh and e nanyang history trip peeps [most o e anti social popcorns] are back.

AH! THEYRE BACK! meaning i have ppl t go out w [:

im such a loser.

2004-11-25T23:04:00.000+08:00

[: well my day ends in a peaceful unworried shower.

and my day began with getting up t a sunny day. woke at 830 went online and waited fer 9 o'clock t call leon. we ended up meeting at 11 at kallang mrt and we mrt-ied t tampines t have a nice breakie o ya kun. [:

headed back t my place and sat downstairs on e swing fer a while just talking. [:
then went up and did out thang and ended up sleeping fer 45 mins.

a tangle o limbs and hot breath intertwining

changed fer dance and headed down just missing e rain. had nice hot crossed erms currypuffs. xP down t dhoby and walked up e hill. had tym t kill so i did a few pirouettes [very bad ones] and he showed me a few 90-90's [is tt how t spell em?]

sleeping beauty was alright. a bit less boring than usual. cabbed t my moms office and came back.

ramblyramblyrambly. highlight o e day was waking up next t him.

i love you

2004-11-24T09:37:00.000+08:00

i just realised tt dance prac is gna kill me. its today, tom, sat and sun and another two whole weeks o daily practice and half a week more. ]: ]: SADSADDDDD. boringness ENGULFS MEEEE.

yest finally FINALLY got my phone fixed. they erased all my msgs tho. and i realised tt this phone tt im using now [8310] has all my msgs and i have t return in t my mom so tt means tt im gna be number one. msgless unless i dun erase em and number 2, get found out. this is all due t e damned limit on msgs on e sim card, and e daft samsung phone has a msg limit o 50 or sth. soo im forced t copy down e msgs so tt they arent lost foreverr and ever and everrrrrr [echoes down stone corridor].

lols.

-----...

stuff are a bit strained. we cant pin point e problem[if there is one] but sth isnt right.

maybe we're just starting a new phase o our relationship. learning more abt each other.

not fighting alot but... aeii. dunno. alot o irritations, bickering, disagreements and so on.

we're so different.
lets make tt our beauty. the beauty tt will let us continue t grow.

i see you and i see beauty.

and i see us and see beauty.

2004-11-22T22:57:00.000+08:00

i dont understand e term "japanese cult anime". someone explain t me. wots e "cult" fer.

'get real' [tele show] examined e growning trends o men looking fer vietnamese wives cos they feel singaporean girls are too materialistic, too independant, too career minded, unwilling t take care o in-laws and so on. they say they are hard t love.

are we really tt hard t love? are we all tt some men think we are?

materialistic? arent men? so we are accused o avarice when the men are equally so. so many men [and women no doubt] dream of becoming a doctor, lawyer so on. just as long as a theres a nice lump o cash in e bank theyre happy. arent they the ones who are willing t pay extraordinary sums fer a fast car? not t say tt women arent materialistic, my pt is tt men are too. so why accuse us?

independant? career minded? we had t fight our way t work, fight fer our rights and we have become e way we become. is there anything wrong w being independant? or striving harder fer our goals? some men are seriously primitive w their beliefs tt we are supposed t stay home and mend iron and wash clothes, sweep, cook and work ourselves down t e bone, so tt our "masters" can come home, eat, chuck their clothes t us and generally not give a damn abt e house or e work tt it took fer us t get it t tt state. its expected. if tts not called chauvenistic, then wot is?

as fer taking care o in-laws, well i wld. but men shld not expect their wives t assume e role o sole care taker o their parents. do not expect e wife t do everything fer e in-laws and then come back and hear their complaints abt them. help yes. total responsibility is unfair.

mm the funny thing abt this is tt singaporean women think singaporean MEN are hard t love. unromantic, passionless, insecure and so on. and so are looking fer foreign men. HA.

wot can i say.

i love leon and he loves me. everybody.. follow suit. xP

2004-11-20T17:27:00.000+08:00

i have alot o usesless information and redundant facts as well as whiny pieces of my life t share w you. ha. ha. mm not funny.

alright so lets start from the top o this week.

monday>> came back from msia after e ride w e two most annoying creatures on e face o this planet. little slugs. FUCKING WHINY SLUGS. maen.. e ride back was a MOFO BITCH. was ready t kill. spoilt kids are e fucking worse. and it seems when life can get no worse [a 6 hr ride in a tiny vehicle w out e chance t move yer damned ass], fate places e scum o e earth in it just t make it a wee bit more fun aeii? e younger ones laugh is SO HIGH, and SO SHRILL and so GRATING, and e older ones face is worse than bloody quasimodo. bad mood. bad weather. bad ride.

tuesday>> taught e teacher in my moms school [e one she works at] how t dance, cos her boss wants her t dance. why? dun ask me. met leon at yo chu kang and towned then headed back fer dinner.

wednesday>> went back t teach e rest o e dance t e teacher then went t town. waited fer sam, kheng and yao zhi [the damned turbs] fer an hr. cos they were late. stay near town, come so late. i stay at god-damned SIMEI. in other words, on the outer edge o civilisation. aeii.. we ate at yoshi [THEYRE HAVING SOME STUDENT THING. GO!] then went t play pool. met leon at novena and waited till my mom was done then walked t e newton school t get driven fer dins.

thursday>> spent my hard scringed 10 on cab fare t my baby's place. spent a nice day there watching movies n stuff ;]. then headed t town and met a jint and huis and kels unplanned, and basically whiled away out tym, and then my mother called, furious [wot else is unusual?] asking me t come back fer dinner. so we wasted our tym gg t town. >-[ [tt is an angry face]

friday>> spent w leon agn, but fuck this was a fucking waste o a day. FUCK FRIDAY MAEN. met him at kallang [i cabbed down, cos i was late, therefore spending most o my money], then my ez-link had no cash so i had t use coins and his mothers ez-link t get arnd. we went t kallang squash centre t get his raquet restrung. but it started raining, so we had t wait. he went t try out some raquets, while i sat on e bench outside e court slpg. when e rain stopped we walked out. because i was dressed [in preparation fer alot o plans tt btw were unaccomplished], and he was wearing his squash kit and had no wax n stuff so we headed back t his place. which is serangoon, and requires a great deal o tym t get there entailing e assistance o 2 buses and 2 changes o trains-EW line t NS line t NEL. but we made it.
ah then he showered and changed and he looked good. and we looked good enough t eat. yummmyyyy..sizzling hot babyeee. but.. wasted in e end.
had a lil tiff w e bus driver and leon being e epitome o blurness tt he is, he sat down t have a chat w his friend while i was getting madder&madder, struggling along w my inadequate grasp o e chinese language and the pea-brained driver.
took a while t cool off, then we headed t town in hopes o meeting capri and perhaps wyn and having a nice dinner. but, yes we so uncharacteristically forgot t plan our tym [uncharacteristic o leon not i, but yes we both forgot] and found out, tt we had t leave fer e airport t see e ny arts fac ppl off fer their history trip t england. so we fucking fuming, since we didnt accomplish all tt we had come t town fer, and wasted money on his mothers adult farecard as well as time AND this was e SECOND DAY IN A ROW, we WASTED TYM GG T TOWN. BAHH..
anyway, we took e train down t e airport and at last had some reprieve of e misery tt we were gg thru. had a good dinner [changi kopi tiam, t1, departure hall floor] and saw em off. poor leon had t go back home by himself. AGAIN.
all in all.. a very bad day indeed. a load o wasted tym, money, hair wax and makeup.

and t top it all o, on every leg o e journey, every bus we had t take, every train we had t catch, we missed one. just missed. you can see why we were mad.

BAHHUMBUG.

today>> aeii slpg beauty reh, a bloody waste o tym. as usual.. hooray fer me? act e whole day was a waste. spent e rest o it looking fer a bottle green shirt fer my moms boss. and erms GREEN IS OUT O SEASON? we finally bought another colour from centre pt, and when we went down e escalator wot do we see? a shirt shop, which OH! HAD t have e EXACT SHADE O GREEN. HA.. THATS LIFE.

okay slpg beauty at e esplanade theatre. running from e 10th t e 15th o dec. cheapest tix is 18. available at sistic. im performing on e 11th,13th&15th. please do come, cos i think e show will be running at a loss otherwise. thankyou.

2004-11-18T23:55:00.000+08:00

aeii. long tym havent blogged.
well not tt long but... ah u get it.

msia was great.e ride back was not.
seeing my friends agn was great. seeing my baby agn was heaven.

yest.. ive discovered i seriously cannot play pool. SERIOUSLY. omg. i freaking suck so bad. i managed 4 fouls. act it was 5. but i insisted it wasnt. i potted e white ball once, and didnt even touch e ball im spsd t be hitting 3 times. damn maen. i suck. but yaozhi&kheng are pro shitters.

today watched e last samurai & van helsing at leons.[: spending as much tym as possible w him till sch begins agn. bahh. went t town and met jint&huis&kells.unplanned.
i want money. i need money. i need money.

sleepy. no mood t blog. yawns.

ppl go t virgin suicides. fms party on sat. msg me. or leave a comment here.

i love christmas.[:
night.

2004-11-14T19:04:00.000+08:00

BOO.

i DO have internet cnxn. so expect me online tonight aites?

anyhow.. todays been one hell o a goood shopping day. got pair o earrings, scarf, a denim jacket, two tees a handbag and a pair o dunks. [: happyness is running through my veinsssss. :D

dinner yest night was BLOODY AMAZING. seriously.. at this DAMN POSH french rest. fine dining at its max babye. i mean e waiter/maitre d' or whoever, was AMAZING. he comes and ANNOUNCES e food. he planned our menu, chose the three diff wines tt e adults had, and at e end recieved a well earned 100 sg $ tip. whoooowheee.
2 entrees-foie gras w some veg thing in a butter sauce & prawns [half grilled] on vege in some cilantro cream sauce. hell prawns should ALWAYS be cooked tt way.
2 main courses-dover sole [some dutch fish] and fer e rest o e ppl, loin o lamb, fer me duck and more foie gras. [i dun eat lamb]
2 deserts- cheese plate,-sorbet t cleanse palet in e middle-,some biscuit thing w figs& strawberries on it w cream.
hand-made chocs t finish it off.

omg.

i was STUFFED. but i now noe e beauty o fine dining. [:

anywayyyy, im coming back tom.. 6 hr ride here i come. |: and NO, im NOT buying pirated vcds. if i get caught YOU PAY MAEN. lols...

chinese fer dinner. yummyliciousss.

backs. i love you all! and esp you baby. im missing you.

oved&out.. GOODNIGHT SINGAPORE!

2004-11-13T07:51:00.000+08:00

hello my darlings.
im off on a plane t msia in a few hrs, and wot im left w t do is alotalot. almost impossible. but aeii, im gooooood.
ha act just have t pack and get ready, go get my ticket from e travel agent [opens at 10], go fer dance at fort canning[from 1145-1 i HOPE], & get t e airport in tym fer my flight[3.15 at T2].

oh results are out btw. mmm okay heres e low-down.

GRAPHIC COMMUNICATION D [expected]
LOCATION VIDEO PRODUCTION B+ [lesbian! tts why so high]
MEDIA IN SOCIETY B
SPEECH COMMUNICATION B
SPORTS AND WELLNESS PX [NO PE FER ME NEXT SEM!]
STARTING A BUSINESS B [LOL WOT? B? tts damn amazing]

anways wun be gone long. just till monday. so earliest ull see me is tuesday. my phone doesnt auto-roam so dun try msging, and im not sure whether they have internet access in e hotel & even if they did, not sure whether my mother will allow me t use.

aite, gna think o wots left t do before i get gg.
-*HUGGGLES

2004-11-11T22:00:00.000+08:00

on the ground are broken shards of the truth
reflecting in mirrors of brown against green
what lies beneath the oxidation is in plain sight
broken promises

promises made are
promises broken

2004-11-10T23:46:00.000+08:00

life as empty as her brain

im bored. i hate those words, u noe? serious.. i hate saying tt im bored or sian. i tell ppl tt "life's only as interesting as u make it". and obv im not making it. tmr i have dance reh e whole day and of course tt will be immensely BORING as well.

days as dry as sand in a camel's mouth

i do realise tt im being totally incoherant and extremely whiny. how can i fault a certain someone fer being whiney when i am irritating myself w my own whiney-ness? eurgh.. talk abt vicious circle.

my nails are breaking. another useless piece o information.

oh i got msn plus!. hell im happy. but fer some reason, my plug in seems t be malfunctioning. annoyed as hell. have u felt this conflicting sense o being both self-pitying and self-berating? either way neither are in any way beneficial t me.

i want t go t england.my sister is there having a ball and freezing her balls off. i want t as well. yet another useless piece o information.

hungry as well. oh i realise tt if i dun eat, i look quite good. haha add tt t e useless piles o info regarding adri.

angels and demons is an extremely well-written book. im quite amazed. ive become a dan brown fan. its quite possible one o e best books ive read.

i should give u a alert, like UIA=usless information attack! or UICYW=useless info coming yer way! perhaps just even UI=useless information!so u cant say i didnt warn ya. hapless victims. ok tt was TC=total crap.

aeii.. im boring and irritating myself. nights

2004-11-09T01:57:00.000+08:00

hi! im now at east coast's macdonalds... lololol hey adri! (: er.. er.. its like 1.50 am now and they are about to close so ill make this really quick.

yea dont worry bout me, i'll be fine. you sleep well k i'll see you later k? call u in the morning. sweet dreams, sleep well. I LOVE YOU!!!
(::::::::::: alien smiley. :D

2004-11-07T21:33:00.000+08:00

leons sister-rachel is damn amusing. our conversation started w why im not out w him [i was, he just got called by his friends t play c&c on e way back] the moved on to how bad he is at home& how he makes his mom angry, then moved on t kissing and cld i trick him into taking a photo o us kissing t show her cos shes curious [abt kissing, not abt US kissing]. after tt she asked t give her advice on clothes and we talked abt earrings. hahahaha shes cute.

hahaha today had dance then met my baby at 1. watched sharks tale, which was alright. not as good as nemo tho. but not bad. then went t times t read a few mmmm useful books ;].
he gave my 'architech wax' by loreal.smells damn good, much better than lucidol. and it shimmers purple! it doesnt on yer hair tho.
ohhhh we walked past this military band tt was coming outta e istana and after it passed, e ncc spirit revived in him and we started marching down e street, him doing e "lup,lup,lup,right" thing. i asked why it was called "lup" instead o "left" and he said tt he thot it sounded better than left. LOL.. hahahaha i cracked up telling him tt he shld tell e taxi driver "uncle turn lup", since t him lup is better then left.HAHAHAHA.. u dun think its amusing, but i sure do. [:

erms i still dunno wot cast im in, but shld be one, altho id much rather be in two. jenna and i dance better tgt. we'll know on thursday. my thursday practice is from bloody 1130 till 5. bring our own lunch summore. lets see how much these stick-thin, im-anorexic-but-i-lie-abt-it dancers act eat. i wonder how many tymes they will use e toilets too. me? ahh i enjoy my food far too much t be an anorexic. [: life is so much better with food in it.

Whenever I'm weary from the battles that rage in my head
You make sense of madness
When my sanity hangs by a thread
I lose my way but still you seem to understand

-richard marx

2004-11-06T21:53:00.000+08:00

my lungs are corroded and giving up on me. COUGHCOUGH..

ramdomness is overtaking my mind. siezing hostage o reasonable thoughts and drawing a BIG RED ~~DASH~~ across em. aeii.. see wot i mean?

anyways, last night i noe u all missed me. awwwwwww. LOL. no i noe none missed me okay? alright? ill just keep on pretending t myself. ...in a barbie doll&polly pocket world... spent e night at sues and she beaded while i went online t type e captions fer e photos in e link below tt im sure you all went t see. right? then we had dinner and watched SI results. heh im not gna pretend tt im sad leandra is out.. im sad tho tt sylvester isnt. his diction is appalling. and he cant sign any other genre besides rock, how limited is his talent. his body is nothing hot, his face is just like any other beng wannabe rockstar. so? bahh randomness.. okok, then watched e swimming show. my first tym watching an ou xiang ju since holland v. its quite addictive act. think ill watch mondays ep t find out wot happened t e coach fella [i call him duan chen fong.. mvp watchers will noe why]. RANDOMNESS. back t e erms point.. then went up and i talked t leon while beading. we then headed downstairs agn at 1145 t watch some chinese show, but it turned out t be non-interesting cos sue says theres no one killing each other, so its not fun. so we decided t watch sex&the city. LOLs its damn amusing. "its so refreshing t fuck someone who fucks out of the box!"-samantha;sex& e city. we then decided t be focused and went back up t bead. sadly, i made a mistake somewhere along e line, and e WHOLE LINE HAD T BE UNPICKED. WOT THE HELL? damnnnnnnittt.. ew beaded till 3, then cldnt take it and zonked out. woke at 10 and e mother picked me t go fer reh at fort canning at 11.

reh was CHICKENFEED. DID YOU NOE? TT ITS chicken feed and not chickenFEET??? cos leon&i sure didnt.whooooo.. we learn sth new everyday. mm gotta go back fer reh tom. oh didnt do casting today, will noe e casting tom. not tt its worth yer money t come see me perform, but come fer e rest o e company. theyre really good. e storyline is a erm bit confusing, so ill explain it.. when i act get the storyline myself. got new "bunheads-ouch puch jr" toepads cos my other ones are uberfied flat. but hell my new pointes hurt like mad fuck. jesus...theyre reallll small, and totally squishing my toes. it hurts so bad partly cos i havent done pointe fer so long & partly cos my old shoes were hugeeeee and roomy and extremely soft & partly cos the shoes are new and unstretched and un-brokened. ahhhh...

anyway, i had a discussion w my mom abt christianity and faith and all.. mmm ive never been for organised religion cos ive been brought up like so. dun get me wrong, i dun dislike Christ or anything, i just dislike wot the church has done. long before e da vinci code was published, e parents exposed me t the discrepencies tt e church tries t hide, e questions tt the priests wun answer, e killing of thousands in e name o Christ.
sure its faith, but why BLIND faith? the mother says its because many have been brought up t believe tt their religion is the best, the only way t heaven, and e rest are condemned. i believe tt we are all God's children. and when i mean all i mean ALL of us. why shld God say tt only a people from a certain religion are able t find salvation? how can he make all o this world and then choose e ppl he wants t save? does tt make sense? if we are spsd t look at all humans as equal and not be biased due t the colour o their skin, how can God look at all his creations and choose which religion will be saved? is tt RIGHT? how can tt be true? the parents were once christians and they both left e church. why? cos they were brave enough to question, and brave enough to see. faith is faith. but blind faith? wots e differance between a extremist and a narrow-minded follower o a faith? both have firm beliefs & both are extremely closed minded and short-sighted. just tt one kills and the other... do you think a few wld kill in e name o their God? i wldnt be surprised if a few do.

this is agn random. seriously random. get it? its spsd t be a pun.. erms albeit a non-funny one.

think i need sleep.

2004-11-05T19:13:00.000+08:00

look at this!.
sue came over & we took hell loads o shots. right now, im at her place and staying e night. damn maen.. i have bloody splg beauty tom at 1130. whoowheeeee.. hell its boring there. e damned choreographer is coming and he'll bithc&moan&push us arnd. ah e artistic temprament o e gifted. butbutbut, tom ill noe fer sure wot dates im performing so ppl cn buy tickets t go see me. cheapest tics are 18. aite.. tonight is beading night. go look at e pics. gauranteed retardedness. LOL.

good rets everyone. see ya tom night on msn.

2004-11-03T22:29:00.000+08:00

my nose is stuffed up like a turkey, my eyes are red and stingy, my forehead is hot, and im flushed a bright rudolf-nose red... AND im seriously happy. :] heh.

today was goood. spend e day at sentosa w fifi, sam, kheng & leon. decided agst palawan beach and went t siloso. [: so many things we did.. well not really.. sam,kheng,leon & i played in e water fer a long long tym. retarded normal stuff.. flinging water and seaweed abt.. leon practiced g-force swings w me in e water. LOL.. kheng said even if he passed out i wld still not feel 2 g's HURR.
swam/walked/piggy-backed[me!] t e bridge thingy tt leads t e lil island w e l337 [leet;ie elite] sand was. ooohhhwheeee. uber good sand. it looks a bit like cappucinno milkshake and when sat on, it feels like mogu cushion, through yer fingers it feels like... GOOD MATERIAL FER SAND BOMBS. hurr.. its packs into super hard balls and when thrown at ppl, causes bruises. aeii... oh leon managed t do his backflips much t e wonder and applause o his awed audience, sam, kheng and i. as kheng says: "shit.. its unnatural.. yer not MEANT t defy gravity". :D.
walked back and opened up all our food.. HAHA.. must say tho, tt sams pizza was GOOOD. serious. it was worth her waking at 730 t defrost all e ingrediants. LOL. ate and ate, and it started raining so we relocated t this erms place called sapphire hall, which is act just a big space w a roof, but good enough. so we set up camp fer abt 45 min, and ate and played cards and did dares. sam lost at bluff, so she had t go run to a coconut tree and shake from side t side and shout "Y..A..O..Z..H..I....YAOZHI!". HAHA.. we got it on vid and digicam. leon and i lost blackjack so we had t follow some weirdass guy wearing a green raincoat and matching wellingtons. HAHA. all on vid.
stopped raining so we moved our stuff back outside. we had rinsed and just eaten, and were warm, so we felt drowsy. kheng went t sleep on his bag, i went t sleep on a towel w leon next t me. [: the warm gentleness of his face agst mine, hand in hand we slip into a light slumber, only to wake to the salty carress of our lips agst each others. how sweet it is to be loved by you
we were gna have a sandcastle comp, but decided t just build one big city. we called it, RETSLAND. HAHA....rets is e asshole, rets in e hair...all on vid agn. we has a damn nice gate w real erm posts, and a cool bridge made from a lighter, a main entance, guard houses and turrets w cannons and even a secret tunnel made fer e rather incestuous royal family t escape through. master bedroom fer masturabting. LOLS. then went back into e water.. well act i was kinnda chased back into e water by the turbs who were using e empty 1.5l drink containers t splash seawater at me, which were originally meant fer filling e moat, but since it kinnda refused t fill, they put it t erms "better" use. .. so back in e water agn..

came out and went t shower, went fer dins at harbourfront. YAY BAH KUT TEH! but.. didnt have enuff tym t enjoy due t e 'rents hurrying me t come t e airport, since my sister was leaving fer england tonight. rushed down just in time, and came back home. tired shits.

tom is vene day! i think? need t msg her.. nights world, photos will be up when i muster e strength t get em [each file is HUGE,2 files, one from khengs cam one from leons.. and its travelling through msn on MY cnxn, which is daft], and t put em up. aite.. NIGHTS. GOOD RETS TO ALL OFF YOU.

2004-11-02T01:07:00.001+08:00

long overdue photoshoot photos:

fiona, sammie and i= DFS

syed sam and ked [i think?]. not sure! SORRY if yer name isnt ked! i like yer trucker cap! its still with me!

shot o all o us-besides kheng who was taking e photo-on e stairs. heh see those retards kissing the croc? LOL.

sam and i. wearing a trucker cap, which kheng and e rest o e turbs think i look shit in. I THINK I LOOK NICE!

sam wearing e trucker, me and in e back, retarded syed, being... retarded.

full group shot, of everyone tt was helping out and our 2 employees, syed and alan. alans e one w glasses in green with e spastic face holding a gun. and syed is e one being erm held at gun pt.whos taking e picture? DUN TELL YOU..

todays shots at coffee club. leons behind e lens.

CAKE! [: MUDDY MUD PIE=HEAVEN ON EARTH. whooooowheee. oragsm inducing.

ATTACK!

the end! LOL.. of the cake.

i <3 you. babyboy i do i do i dooooooo.

2004-10-31T03:08:00.000+08:00

aeiii.. finally an update..

its techinically sunday, but im still in a sat night moood yo. hurr.. lameness.
sooooo.. wot has been happening these few days.. mm thursday went t leons place and chut-ed stunts as kheng and e rest o e turbs like t say. major fight at orchard.tears from both parties. ]:. but resolved... growing stronger day by day... friday out w sue, aunty joe, aunty chris, mrs skipp, lai yee & alexandra t e british club. helll fun.. hahahhaa aunty joe and aunty chris suan each other like bloody mad. gives a whole new meaning t "front-stabbing". LOL.. theyre like little kids.. hit and pinch n slap each other.. and aunty joe is DRIVING us at e same tym. jesus..

today.. went fer sleeping beauty reh [btw its on at the esplanade theatres from 11-15 dec] and saw Freaky Man (FM) sitting at e under pass. hes a fucking asswipe. preying on helpless teens. this was my conversation w him tt i totally freaked me last week..

setting: i gg up e stairs from e underpass, leading t staircases tt lead me up e hill

FM: xiao mei, se me shi jian (small lady, wot tym is it)
me: 1245, shi er dian ban. (1245..1245)
FM: ohhh.. ah ni si chong zong gou lai de ah? (ohh..ah you frmo china come here is it ah? )
me: err bu si, chong ze li (err no...from here)
FM: ohhh.. wo you shi you can dao ni (ohhh.. i got tym see you before)
me: errrrrr. (errrrr.)
FM: ni zai ze li zhou she me? (here u doing wot)
me: ah.. tiao wu (ah.dancing)
FM: she me wu dao? (wot kind o dance)
me: zhe li zi you ba lei (here only has ballet)
FM: ohh. then ni ke ye tiao se me wu? (ohh.then you can dance wot?)
me: err.. (err..)
FM: ni chong se me si ho xue? (you from when start learning?)
me: erm.. wu.. err (erm.. 5..err)
FM: 5 nian ah? (5 years ah?)
me: errrr.... (errrr....)
FM: ni she me shi ho wan ah? (you wot tym finish?)
me: err.. (err..)
FM: 5 ge xiao shi huh? (5 hrs huh?)
me: [obv not gna tell him when i end] YEAH. (YEAH)
FM: ahh.. zhe me chang ah? man shen dou she han (ah.. so long ah? full body will have sweat)
me: yeah. err wo chi dao le (yeah..err i late alr)
FM: orh.. wo ke yi zhou ni de peng you? (orh..i can be yer friend?)
me: bu ke yi (cannot)

i walk off. then start running when out o sight.
disgusting old men.

anyway, i went fer dance and dance, and then dinner at copthorne then headed t serangoon fer ny halloween. sadly, everything was finishing.. i didnt get t see my baby break or be retared.. shit la.. met w humans. [: damn goood t see em. headed t chompchomp w huis and leon and kenrick, kian & daniel. after tt, sat at e bus stop and talked w leon. then headed home at 1240. came back at 0100.

im tired. yawn. nights. leave me as many comments as i had in e post before pls.. think o it as a game. erms.. beat the record! LOL. love

2004-10-27T22:43:00.000+08:00

i discovered.. shopping isnt a very happy experience. cos once u satisfy one desire, along the way, u fall in love with a dozen other things tt u do not have e cash fer. im lusting fer so many beautiful things.. eurgh. i want the forever 21 skirts.. all o em, but esp this lovely denim number w a scarf-belt[$69 sth]. i want my bloody ballet pumps w e dragons on em from x:odus [$52 sth], which doesnt have my size.
having no money is fuck on earth maen.

but as sue says, i shld be CONTENT W WOT I HAVE. aeii... want t noe wot i got today?? heh.. doesnt matter, ill still tell you. i got [in chronological order], dan browns 'da vinci code', lucidol wax& glossy hair water [so preeetttyyy], x:odus slippers heh theyre called 'maroon jelly', and these damn cool "genie pants" [i deemed em such] which i so am clubbing in. who cares if i dun look paris hilton glam, i look adri-specialllll.. [: BHB YES? heh.. xP

went t simlim t look fer the aunts notebook. hell.. its damn depressing walking arnd and seeing yer lost lappie sitting there smugly.. im a dumb cunt t have left it at e bus stop.

oohh.. [: kheng and e rest agreed t get me dunks fer christmas, and leon and i are gna combine fer my forever 21 skirt. fer christmas im asking fer a phone. oooooooh.. happyness.
[: outing w vene and grace tentitively set fer sunday. [[:
the sister's gg t england fer 4 weeks, so e house is empty fer leon&i.
gg t leons place tom. YAY!YAY!YAYYYYY!

shit.. it feels damn good t be alive right now.

I'm your girl, you're my man. Promise to love You the best I can

2004-10-25T13:08:00.000+08:00

im bored. why are my days so erratic. one full of activity, and another filled with empty anticipation?

yesterday was busybusybee day. as usual, before shows, the panic ensues. my sister cldnt find her chiffon skirt and my tights had a ladder. e latter problem is easily solved, but her chiffon skirt proved elusive even after 45 min o extensive searching. the darling mother chucked all my clothes out o my cupboard [wot does her chiffon skirt have t do w me?] & so nicely left this pile of crumpled clothes on my bed. thankyou so much mother.

at e studios the chaos continues. mmmm [: i love the before show conundrum. mother-helpers on a powertrip, hair spray fog, whining little girls, the flurry of tule&chiffon, lipstick&shouts being exchanged, makeup&hair, mirrors lined by anxious girls... oh wonderful glitter-filled chaos.

after the worse performance of my life [i made abt a million mistakes. not sure why.. no mood], the mother, the aunt, the cousin & the sister headed t e esplanade fer mama mia. whoooowheeeee.. damn goood. its quite amazing how they fit the abba songs into the play. the scene set ups were brilliant. simple and effective, and very ingenius. the singing was goosebump-raising, the dancing, marvellous. the acting, superb. they deserved every bit o the standing ovation tt we gave. so if u have e moola, or yer mommy does, go.. you wun be disappointed.

was spsd t crash ny today, but cockups as usual. leon has squash at 3, and between the end o sch and squash, he has loads o pw t do. and from 3-5 when hes squashing, ill be waiting fer him which he doesnt want. & i dun want t meet him at 5, cos tt means gg back late, and his mom needs t do washing.. so we'll both be considerate to other ppl and t other priorities and not see each other... till ~~tommorrow~~ some tym soon [: [hopefully]. tonight i shall help him w his speech. heh specom comes in handy aeii?

meanwhile, im bored...im dreading december. how hellish....
oh and today is my "tell-everybody-i-love-them" day, so guys..
I Love You. each & everyone o you.

The Boo>>I Love You Baby. you are my pillar & my weakness. my happiness & my sadness. my love & my lust. to love you is to love life itself.
You baby, are my everything.

She tries to escape into an idealized atmosphere of sympathy and understanding, or into a substitute environment of estheticism and beauty.

2004-10-23T23:57:00.000+08:00

this blog post is fer yaozhi & sueann who are perstering fer an update. [: let pretend not t feel good tt im wanted. HEH.

anyways, yestttt.. mmm lemme see. woke up,... just a day just an ordinary day.... no act it wasnt. it was scaryfying [i can look by on this lightly, but let me tell you, my heart was like lead].
anywayssss.. my darling bestfriend sue came over, and she was all raring t go. heh... so she headed t e kitchen [despite my warnings] and looked through e fridge and cupboards and decided t cook mashed potato [though there wasnt any milk& we dont have a masher], rice [though i didnt know where e rice was kept], and stir fry vege [though i dont know how t turn on e gas& we both have a fear of fire& oil]. butbutbutbutbutttt.. i managed t mash e potatoes succesfully w a fork, and it tasted GOOD wout milk. milk=blahhhhh [im lactose intolerant]. i managed t find some rice in e ricecooker and turn it to warm!, and i MANAGED T TURN ON THE GAS& WE BOTH OVERCAME OUR FEAR O OIL&FIRE AND COOKED BABYKAILAN!!! hell yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh!! heh we nearly died in e kitchen... we figured out if there was or was not gas coming out by sniffing the burners. hahahahahahaha.. and we turned e flame up soooo high it was licking e sides o e pot&kwok, splattering us w boiling hot oil, nearly singing our eyebrows off..... ahh we braved death fer e sake o baby kailan. [: it was worth it maen.

i was satisfied w lunch yest. 'nuff said.

then it started t rain. oh joy. we were spsd t go tan. but noooo it had t rain...dun rain on my parade... but we went down anyway, after it stopped raining. e water was HELLLLL COLLDDDDD.. e pool on drugs..as kheng says, it ws tits galore! hurray!.... delirous.. dun mind me.

after a good day o fun w e best, i headed t town t meet leon who had squash. i was damn early cos i walked sue out and decided i might as well just leave e house, so i went down t yo chu kang. heh.. i walked arnd e corner just as he was.. smack in e face. [: went down t cityhall& he gave me sth tt he made e night before. i teared. 'nuff said. [: we bought our ticket t potential doom and sat in wait.....

but... everythings fine now... my hearts as light as a feather.

today, i danced. then went t a memorial service fer sei ba kong. sweet nice old man. he built e PIE! and other stuff beside. then t katong & danced agn. tom im dancing [DSA show]. and then gg t watch dance. lol.. gg t mama mia, which joel said was good, but their accents are weird. how will i survive 3 hrs o tt horrid accent? eurgh.. but laiyee& alexandra are backs, so tt means a bit more moola. hopefully? aeiii.. and their company is appreciated too. im not a mercenary bitch, contrary t popular belief yes?

oh got into a fight w alvin just now. three way convo w ed, alvin& yers truely. mmm abt a certain girl tt both alvin&leon shld dislike but dun... ive done all my bitching&grieving and i have t say thankyou t weishen, kheng & yz. fer being retards. fer cheering me up. theres a link. heh..

aite night world.... im falling even more in love with you...

2004-10-22T23:37:00.000+08:00

we can breathe again

2004-10-21T18:31:00.000+08:00

my com is on drugs. i was blogging halfway & it blacked out on me. erms strange? hahahaha kheng says tt it needs t be exorcised. mmm exorcist on his brain.

yest i watched exoricist, ate a damn good lunch o pasta and had a drink. and all w $1.50. how did i do this remarkable feat? ahhhhhh.. all hail t e master o bugettttt. LOL. so, fer food, i asked kheng t cook fer me and bring it out in a tupperware, after which yz being e cheapo asswipe tt he is promptly asked fer food as well. heh.. the 1.50 was spent on a greentea w peach at coldstorage. then e movie, [: the three nice boys paid fer tt. thx t weishen,yaozhi&kheng ... altho kheng kept saying tt there was INFLATION due t e 8.50 ticket on a wed. lol ARSE.

exorcist was.... mmm freakaye. e scene changes are damn startling and kheng and yz [on either side o me] kept laughing at me and saying im damn weak&lousy. hahahahhaa but ws was equally shocked, so he got more suaning then me. hahahah BE A MAN WS! LOL.

ooh replies are in e previous entry's haloscan [sweet memory's thang]

today was spent eating, panicking, online and watching telly. tommorrow sue is coming over and shes damn excited abt it. hahahah she msged me "eh!im quite excited abt gg t yer place tml!we can cook lunch. and i can study. and u can err bake fr leon!" and she has all these wonderful ideas o cooking "healthy" food& mac&cheese & swimming hahahaha my bestie is bloody amusing & she noes i think so. :D later at abt 6 i head t yo chu kang t meet leon after squash.

im tired o panicking&praying. someone pray fer me, pray tt things will be alright.

2004-10-20T09:37:00.000+08:00

yest got back late agn, and i hatehatehate walking back alone in e dark. it scares me. \: yes im a chickendoodle. i see dead people. ha no, i think i see dead people.

spent my hard saved 10 [doesnt tt sound pathetic] on food fer leon and i. [: yay i am responsible fer satisfying his tummy last night. ate at newton hawker, e place w uber good food and uber high prices. had pohpiah [3 bucks], which he found spicy & i didnt even taste e chilli. and mee suah [4 bucks], which he likes better than his previous encounters w meesuah, but still doesnt really like it. and sugar cane [1.50] which is gooood, and which he was scared t buy/drink after i told him kelly's "cat-piss" stories. hahahahahhahahahah hes e cutest ever. when i gave him the moola t go get e sugar cane, he asked if it was safe t drink it, cos o e cats-piss. and i looked at him increadulously & said "they dont use the same sugar cane fer 50 years baby?!", then he said "yeah but u noe..... those cats.. they live quite long right?" HHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA which totally put me in spasms, and him protesting gently "dun laugh.. im not funny". hahahahahaha.. oooerrrrr. funnny. and then when he finally stood t get e drink after coaxing from me, he said "alright.. but if i see a cat, im not getting it" LOL... :D
yeah i noe i know i shouldnt gush, but bear w me wont you? 0:]

watched 'the cool guy' yest w sam and fifi. aeii not our favorite choice but due t circumstances, we were forced quite unhappily into watching it. but it as it turned out, it act was really good. [: both hilarious and touching. [: goood. oh & not t mention the DROP DEAD GORGEOUS HUNKS inside. oooohhhhhh.. cliched storyline but good acting, good twists and it presented quite well. go watch it, but be careful o straying middle fingers at those sodding annoying korean fans who scream and laugh histerically at every little thing. its bloody annoying. i mean yeah its funny, but not tt funny.

where have all my darling taggers gone? oohh talking abt which, yest when i came back at abt 1200, i rushed in and went t piss straight. then i looked into e folks's room and i saw e fan blades quite still. & when i was walking up, i didnt see my mothers car. sooo.. i had a fleeting moment o panic, when i thot me whole family had been killed [like in csi] or kidnapped or sth.. \: scary. rushed into my sister's room t see if she had been killed/kidnapped and she was contentedly asleep. mm so i sat down fer a bit wondering where e 'rents had gone and came online fer companionship, and they came back. asked where they went but the mother was too busy berating me t tell me.

anyway, ive been asked t go t 2 diff movies w 2 diff groups o ppl and guess wot.. i have absolutely no money. i am Dead Flat Broke. & the matriarch didnt leave any. aeii Save Adri Fund[SAF] agn? hahahahhaa..

2004-10-18T23:35:00.000+08:00

today was a slackerfied day. spent it at khengs place, eating [yumyumyuummm], cleaning dishes, watching jack neo movies [money no enough and best bet], shelling&eating peanuts [i shelled yz's ok! tt asswipe], playing&losing some xbox racing game, drinking spoil yakult [EURGH. COAGULATED?], mini pillow fights [damn maen, yz is a bastard and kheng hits bloody hard], and getting kp-ed by ws, yz and kheng abt "my" truckercap [they say its a flower on shit. ie im e shit.]... ah good [:

tom maybe ice skating w e d[fs]. see how. cos i made plans w leon t ice skate, and i wld like t do em w him first... its a complicated issue, tt you wldnt get. ha so its ok, dun try..

[: on sunday, leon and i had a long talk. and we shared alot o information and experiences, and we've grown stronger as a couple. we also realised tt we're not so different as we formerly percieved. and tt we just became a couple. just became one. [: lets explore how deep my love can go. inu

2004-10-18T01:10:00.000+08:00

i know exactly wot kesh is talking abt.

no one noes the pain, cos no one loves you like i do.

and it hurts deep inside. to think o her. t think o them both. to think abt you holding her like you hold me, to think abt you kissing her,to think abt you looking at her the way you look at me,to think abt you missing her the way you miss me.
to think abt you loving her.

it hurts t imagine you being with someone else.
loving someone else.

yer going t sort it out, tell her wot? i dunno.. tt im yer life. and tt it wasnt all due t distance&tym? i dont know. does it make me happier? im not sure.

and other things too. how if i cant live t yer expectations? if i cant make you happy? you deserve someone better. but i love you too much to let you leave. maybe its just cos im selfish and want you for myself.. i need you.

im too stubborn, too selfish, too wilful, too eccentric, too swingy, too beligerant
too in love.

its inexplicable.. i shldnt feel this way, because i do know you love me. but.. i still do.
this feeling.... how do you describe it?

how miserable. this feeling.

2004-10-16T23:27:00.000+08:00

hookaayy.

i have 7 weeks o holidays and i have quite a few things t do, including gg t sentosa, gg t east coast beach[e nice part], meeting a few ppl [venneeee!], gg t e zoo, ice skating, tanning, painting khengs room and so on and so forth.

many things to do, and so many ppl t do em with, but now i am sending out an official announcement, declaring my successful ending [ie i dun have t retake modules] and e start o my holidays.

amazingly. i miss school. i miss school but not e work. aeii.. how ungrateful i am.

pls fill my tym up alright? i dont want t be some lonely shit gg sightseeing at e zoo by myself.

2004-10-16T10:17:00.000+08:00

]: how do u decide between a rock and a hard place. between the devil and the deep blue sea.

we both had t make decisions. and both werent good ones t make. either way, someone or something was compromised. i cld have said alright, and tried t suppress tt feeling tt was knawing away at me like poison in the blood. but instead i let my feelings show.
lesson learnt-- sometymes u have t lie. lie t him, lie t yerself. and let him believe yer happy.

tts why i always ask u t bring me t meet yer friends. tts why im so paranoid abt how they think o me. cos i know theyre impt t you. and therefore since yer impt t me, they are impt t me too. i always try t let you have yer tym with them, and not take you away. i always try t make e decision concerning both these parties in yer lives easy. i compromise. and its alright, cos i noe how much they mean to you. and i dont want t make things difficult.

but this tym around.. i cldnt ignore it. im sorry. its just tt two saturdays in a row. and you know the feeling right? i dun think i cld bear two lonely saturdays in a row, while u go and party. and u did say tt i wld be with you fer e first tym. and the pool thing. i didnt promise t play pool w you. and i didnt noe i was gna play. but tts past i guess.

and i really was slpeeing. i fell asleep w e com on beside me. i turned off e msn sound thing. so i really was asleep. and i logged out cos e com hibernated after a while. i really didnt ignore you.

and when u told me u werent gg i wasnt happy. cos i noe yer not. and when i asked if you wanted t go, it wld be alright. i wld just get over it. and u said no. but i know u dont mean it.

so if you still want to. go. ill be mm okay. ppl have already told me tt they wld stay online t accompany me. mm but then agn. i dunno if i can bear the thought o u gg without me. since i dun cos o you. and then u go. mm if u want t go, theres a party my friends doing. its not club party, its a chalet party thing, but w a spinner and all.. so its e same thing. wld u like t go?

oh before i go, one last thing..i love you.
dun forget tt.

2004-10-14T22:27:00.000+08:00

who watched SI tonight? [singapore idol fer those dopes.]
they, with the exception o daphne, olinda and taufiq, utterly and truely, SUCKED. god, they didnt just SUCK, they sucked so bad.... they were like. bloody vacumms.. nono worse then vacumms.. like... black holes!!. BAHH...[bah black sheep] they were BAD. nevernevernevernever give a disco song t them EVER. they will ruin it. mutilate it, TEAR IT TO SHREDDDDSSSSS. sob.

ah okay, im done w e retardedness.

today was a Serious Waste Of Time(SWOT). i shld have just gone out cos basically i did NOTHING. i mean yeah i did manage t do wot... 3 lectures. (radio,tv and newspapers) but TTS IT. e WHOLE DAY? to do 3 SODDING LECTURES? i just dun feel like studying. dun feel motivated in e least. i mean, yeah i noe its TOMMORROW. and yeah i noe it makes up a BIG PERCENTAGE OF MY FINAL GRADE, and hell yeah i noe tt i DONT WANT T RESIT MEDISOC. butbutbut.. just dun feel it. COCKSSSSS...

im laming arnd w sam and kheng. trying t think o ways t cheat. so far we've come up w spending e night reading books on enhansing psychic abilities and then trying t read e paper tom morning. and erm telepathy so we can read ppls minds. esp hafiz and sophia who are bloody good. oh and kheng came up w a device tt can be hidden in our ears tt we can talk thru and listen fer answers.

but the whole problem is... we dunno e answers ourselves, so we'll end up not having anything to copy from each other. -___-

aite. i shld stop ruining my life and go study medisoc. or rather, try to.

i think next term.. i might crack.

2004-10-13T14:58:00.000+08:00

[: leon will be over in a bit. yest was spent mostly at his place, and today will be my place.

went t sch early this morn. well not early, bubt quite early. i had t wke at 845. well actually sam woke me. i picked up e phone and she went "ARE U AWAKE?". and i blatantly lied "YEAHHH!" hahahahhaa.. i told her later, and she wasnt surprised. heh.. anyway, went t school t get my medisoc media critique. [: guess wot i got, guess wot i got! hahahahha.. mm 14.5/15. take a moment t say whoooooooooooooooooooooo. hehehe.

yest was a total... rollercoaster ride o emotions. started good, then got bad, then fought the worse fight we've fought yet, badbadbadbadbad fuck. but then everything got better and better. [: we sat at esplanade and thought back abt how far we've come. reviewed our "first's". first tym we talked, first date, first held hands, first msg, first iloveyou... [: i cried quite a bit cos i realised how much i love him and i know my life wld be hell w/out him.

edit at 9.50>>
he just left. mmm.. i love him. with every breath i love him even more. i traced his features with my finger and i could feel the love pounding through my veins, flowing through my every cell. [: my love.

2004-10-12T01:41:00.000+08:00

i hate computers.
nononono.. i hate motherfuckingasswipes who spend their life dedicating themselves t making and sending virus's t destroy ppls computers. dun they have a fucking life? cant they think o the pain they cause? e trouble? does tt make them happier?

how if someone cant afford t get another computer? how if tt computer meant everything t someone else? how if anothers life depended on it? HOW? do they give a damned fuck? NO.. and why dont they? cos this is a damned warped world we live in. and im fucking tired o it.

yes my com got a virus, and yes cos o tt, my best fren and kelvin both got e virus. thankgod tt kelvin managed t rid his com o it. sue's not tt lucky.

so i reformatted e com, and it went alright.then, i tried t turn it on and set e tym and all and it stalled on me. MOFO SHIT.

aeii.. poor leon and yaozhi. they both got the full blast o the outpouring expletives and obscenties. hurr. luckily they both dun mind.

mm watched a crapped up movie today w kenny,weishen,fifi,sam,yaozhi and kheng. DO NOT WATCH THE LADY KILLERS. ITS SO NOT GOOD.

tired. im gone.

2004-10-11T11:14:00.000+08:00

mm things have been.. interesting. these past few days. period of transactions and change. and not all changes have been recieved well.

i thnk a person is formed in layers. first one layer then another. and each new layer is shaped and molded by yer environment. so the incidents and events and problems and the highs and low tt yer gg through mould you as a person. form another layer. sometymes, its adding to another alrealy existing layer. sometymes its closing a rent in the another layer, sometymes its just a completely new one. so when u noe a person from one period in their lives, and then go on and look back, you still noe the person you knew from when u first new them, but u also see the layers tt have been aqquired, and the new person tt he/she is. the point being tt if u know tt person from one tym o their lives, you always will know tt person, just under layers. get?

maybe im just being cryptic.

wotever it is, change is inevitable and with me, things are changing. new events, new friends and with tt, new outlook on life, new mannerisms exposed to, new habits, ideaologies, and beliefs. and therefore a new layer.

im being layered. give me tym t find where i stand in this chaotic tym. just let the layer sink and seep into my skin. just give me tym t find myself again.
okay baby?

2004-10-10T01:42:00.000+08:00

euphoria can suck cock.

wish i went khengs. in e end i webcammed w em on msn.

im a grouchy old cat who shld be left alone t sulk.

im gna try t get some ppl t watch white chicks w me tom.

bahhhumbug.

2004-10-09T10:48:00.000+08:00

tirednessss...

got home at abt 0130 last night. mm spent e morning travelling t kap fer breakfast w yaozhi aka dj yaoyao. but then by e tym i got there [12.15] i realised tt breakfast was over. ]: sadsad. i wanted my darling egg mcmuffin w sausage. bahhhh. anyway, i had 6 piece nuggets which i enjoyed. heh.. oooh i must say sorry t yaozhi and weisheng fer waiting fer a very long tym. aite.. yesyes i was admittedly 45 min late. \:

mm so went back t sch after breakfast/lunch/MY ONLY MEAL OF THE DAY and sat inside/outside the editing room. kheng was spsd t finish at 1300, wot tym did they finish? 1530. BAHHHH.. in e meantym, kenny & joel came and we sat outside playing Extremely Retarded Games, which im Horrendously Bad at. i managed t chock up 7 mistakes [act it was 9, but they didnt spot 2 hurrr], but they gave me face and decided tt i only had t do a forfeit if i reached 10. [: . soo we headed down t town after all tt jazz t watch a movie.

caught wimbledon and its quite alright i guess. not tt touching, it didnt even make me cry [which is surprisingly easy t do], e storyline was quite okay. mmm not tt funny... it was alright. go fer e hot actor with goood nipples, and his hoootttt friend. ;] then, we went t play pool at mambo.
my first tym in a VERY LONG TIME. my friend [i cant even rem his name now] tried t teach me t play pool at my condo erm pool table thing. i cldnt. wellllll.. i managed t hit the ball after e first shot which went totally wild, and i managed t pot some! -CLAPCLAPCLAP- i think abt 7 balls. [[[: was pared w yaozhi who says hes e best out o em all, and i think he is, who proceeded t win many o e games fer us. [[: i think we won abt 6 in total. heh.. and i HELPED. [: YAY.
my poor baby boy was worried tt my legs wld be totally visible [as in the whole thing] when i bend down t shoot. mmm not sure abt tt, but baby, you have ntg t fear. i had 5 boys w me, who i HOPE were willing t fight fer my chasity.

then after pool [it was alr 2200] i went down t serrangoon t look fer him. my feet were Seriously Killing Me. i cld have chopped them off i swear. anyway, i made him walk all e way from e lan shop t where i was grumpily sitting. the sight o him always make my anger dissipate tho, and i was coaxed into putting my shoes back on and getting back up on my feet so we cld take a bus down t his estate. we sat at e park and talked and lazy ole me went t slp on his lap again. hurr second day in a row. [: i love slpg on his lap w his arms arnd me. makes me feel so safe. under e stars, w e lights turned out. e night quiet and just us alone, i loved you.

came back , showered, persuaded my baby t let me come online so tt i didnt have t waste my msgs on yaozhi who msged t ask me t come over t khengs place t play mahjong and watch soccer today. ahh came on and stayed till 0300 and then off t bed i went. ahhh my baby asked me t go t e lime party but i CANTTTT.. i have DANCEEEE.. oh fcuk.. and i dun think ill go t khengs place, unless they are feeling rich and willing t sponsor my cab fare there and back. heh. he lives in sodding queensway, and i at simei. can u blame me?

aite need t get ready t go down t fort bloody canning. bleeding sleeping beauty. suck cock man. im gone.

and yer the only one i wld ever dream to dream of

2004-10-08T01:12:00.000+08:00

these few days have been bleeding chaotic.

no tym t catch my breath

bt thankfully specom final speech is over.

mm this week has been getting t noe ppl week. so far, i have made mmmm 7 new friends! i think? yeahhh.. [:

im tired shit. only had 1&1/2 hrs o slp last night, and im dead on my feet. poor leon had t bear w me sleeping on his lap, totally numbing his leg, fer half n hr. and after tt, i refused t stand straight/walk straight/ sit straight. tired cocks..

gone.love you all.

2004-10-06T20:26:00.000+08:00

fucked up day fer the DFS. thankgod kheng and reza were there t provide relief.
fifi was pissed at someone, and her 5 year old duck made it worse.
sammies bf was pissed at her

me?

im just gna wait and see.

you say theres an explanation. it had better be good.

and

i love you too

2004-10-05T01:05:00.000+08:00

lets blaze

in e morning, talked t wyn online and made her laugh w my lameness. hahahahahaha, its good t ~~hear~~ ~~see~~ know tt she laughed agn. [[: happiness is a goooood thing.

today was syed's photoshoot. mm slacked at some fsv guy's place [aaron] fer e whole afternoon. mmm super gooood. i lovelovelove slacking at ppls houses. i dun feel like gg home after tt. i cld spend all my days bumming arnd ppls houses and not returning home. like some hermit. [:
anywayy, i spent e day there doing quite alot o nothing.. mmm they are seriously worse than us. they slack and slack when theyre spsd t be working. us? well we slack and then work when e tym comes t work. ha poor sammie was kept till 930pm in town shooting, and she has t be in sch at 845am. aeii! poor thing! she said she had t keep shouting at alan t keep them moving. HAHHAHAHAHA.. funnyness.

mm we finally left aaron's place at abt 645 and they headed fer town by train and i headed fer s'gardens [where leon and his friends-kenrick,hendric & daniel- were studying]. slacked fer a bit at coffee club, while they went t pk. headed t eat and i finally got t see my baby do some vaults. [: and im quite proud t say tt i noe some o e moves tt they were talking abt, cos i oh-so-diligently went t look up this extreme sport, so i wont feel like such a ditz when theyre talking abt it. ahhh.. something unfortunate happened tho.. mm.. a certain person was brought up during dinner. and i can still safely say tt i hate her. the mere mention o her name brings abt this heaviness in my heart. i felt like screaming and screaming and screaming. i hate her. but thankfully, leon noticed and rectified it soon after. haii.. talking abt her now, is still fucked up.

anyway, spent a nice reltaively productive [did my specom] time w my baby. mmmmmm another person was also brought up during our tym at macs.. aeii..poor kenrick. |:

cabbed back and im tired out. a few interesting things found out tonight. mmmm..

need t be at tanjong pagar at errrr 10 fer khengs shoot. yawnnnn.. i can die. im e damned main, and i dunno how im gna rem all e blasted lines. daaaamit. eurgh. okay my babes, nightttt.

kesh>> read e comment by sue on my last post. [: loveee

2004-10-03T23:13:00.000+08:00

aeii. todays shoot was...summed in one word: tiring.

had leon [my alarm clock] wake me at 9 o'clock, cos i thot i had t take public transport t town fer e shoot at 11. turns out tt my mom mistakenly thot i meant i had a shoot on monday and therefore told me tt she cldnt take me, now told me she cld. ahhh... wasted energy waking up. so went fer breakie and reza kept calling meee.. so i hurried up and reached town at 1120. then, i realised tt nicole [the actress] and i, were e earliest out o e whole crew. mmmmm where was darling reza? ha he was off dunnoooo where. mmm, but he made up fer it w his antics w crack me up man. he and cassan are damn funny tgt. he always disturbs her and she always replies funnily [okay not a word, but u get]. i found out two ppls mutual hatred fer each other, and our shared hatred fer this one person [surprisesurprise.. no prizes fer guessing who], and other bitchings and musings, while we 4 [reza,cassan,i and nicole] sat at e wisma taxi stand waiting fer zat, who was in e end one and a half hrs late. wot the cockkkkkkkk.. but he made up fer it w his wonderful camera handmanship.. [: does e script proud. [heh since i wrote e script aeii?]

had near crisis's all day long, but no more brain juice t think o everything. mmm think e biggest one was e light fading fastfast. in e end, when we shot our last scene, it was too dark t see her face anymore. so we had t go t another location after trying t shoot in e dark fer abt an hr. shoots frain you of energy.. it just sucks it outta you like erm one o those wots them called... e thinking you use in bio t transfer fluids.. ahhhh tt instrument.i just hope we have 10 mins there. dun think we do. ha e editor [cassan] will DIE... our scenes seriously jump, us gg by time and location and e inconvienience o e camera rather than by chronological sequence. but tis more practical tt way, just more work fer poor cassan.

ooooh.. theres a cute boy in queenies estate by e name o jonathan, who fifi is totally smitten with. but seriously speaking.. he looks like a taiwanese star. a bit like toro. heh.. and he has an piercing on his left ear. mmm nice. ooh speaking o hot boys, cassan thinks my baby is hot. [[: i noeeeeeeeee. heh. mmm and cassan also thinks tt malay is erotic.. e way zat speaks it.hurrrr..i kinnda agree.. malay is hotttt.

tom the DFS will be decked in our clubbing clothes fer syed's photoshoot. and kheng will be in his policeman shirt and pants, and his new fugly hairstyle. eeeeeeeee.. lol. mmm i miss e sistehood. it feels like i havent seen em fer very long. i miss themmmmmm! mm havent seen them since thurs, and i miss laughing abt khengs dictionary and e snail and other stupid things besides. bahh. i miss them.

speaking o missing ppl. i miss leon. mm not likely yer gna see this baby, but good luck fer yer promos.. you study hard and do well alright? ill see u on wednesday and we can have some relaxation. come this weekend, we'll have fun! yay! ballet under e stars! mwaaaaah. loving you.

and speaking o promos.. good luck t all poor souls who have t undertake this dealing o e devil himself. mwaaah.

oh and a HUGEEEEE t queenie and nicole. queenie: thx fer being such a hospitable guest. thankyou t yer family as well, fer putting up with so much from us and treating us so nicely. nicole: thankyou!!i noe we made u do STUPID things, like play w e fish at wisma's aquidisiac , and lie on e bed and hum "its a small world", and run abt e playground soooo many tymes. thankyou!

oh and is there sth wrong w haloscan? can everyone see it? or is it just fifi who cant? and if only she cant, where are all my taggers? hahahha..

im dead t e world.. i need sleep. love you all.

but i do noe tt i love you.
and i noe tt if u love me too
wot a wonderful world this wld be.

2004-10-01T23:38:00.000+08:00

today had been.. eventful.

it started alright.. everything calm and peaceful. talked fer an hr plus w leon, then put down e phone. msged him telling him i wanted t see him, and he agreed t let me come over fer a bit. welll.. one cant study all e tym can they? a lil stress relief is needed after all. ;] yesyes i shldnt steal him from his studies.. but i cant help ittttt.

anyway, headed t his place where i had t wait 45 damned minutes fer his father t come home and collect his sister before i cld come in. spent only abt an hr plus there then headed fer locvid. [: it was good being w him.

locvid went okay. 11 takes fer one single scene tho. but it was aite. need t work faster on sunday tho.i blame myself fer putting in so many damned scenes.
isabel fainted while we were walking out t e road,and it scared e shit outta us. \: i found out certain things i didnt noe abt before, and theyre scary things. how do you help someone who doesnt want t be helped? how can u stand by and watch someone self destruct? wot can you do? nothing.. its a bad feeling. a real bad feeling. fifi and i sat in the atrium after talking t a certain two ppl, and we felt so helpess tt we were close t tears. one person noes something is wrong, and is accepting help and concern and love. one person on the other hand just wont be helped. drinking isnt a way out. its just a way in. a one way road tt wont solve anything. its worrying.. it really is. not just fer her health.. but.. her safety. this is singapore, but rape and molest and abhorous things such as tt do happen.

how can you help someone who refuses to acknowledge theres a need fer help?

i dunno.

i hate not knowing wot t do. i hate feeling helpess. but theres really nth t be done.

tts e sad part.

2004-09-30T23:05:00.000+08:00

its a thursday night and im in a mood t blog [[: heh

welllll.. we were spsd t meet in sch at 10am, but o course none o us turned up on time. i woke at 830 and was spsd t meet sam at 9 at kallang. oh i was e smartest really. cos yest i left my charger at khengs place [i brought it out cos i wanted t charge it cos when i left e house it was 2 bars], so i changed phone w my sister so tt i cld recieve msgs from leon. ah so this morning when i put the sim card back into e phone, it asked me fer e time. i put 9'oclock. then i turned on my phone and e display said "9.00" [obviously cos i SET it at 9.] then i thot "oh SHIT, its 9 and im spsd t meet sam at 9!" so i msged her telling her i wld be late, not realising tt i wasnt really late. mm so smart o me yes? hurr..
anywayyyy cabbed t sch w sam. omfg.. the taxi driver is one helluva big fat cheat. he drove PAST e exit on e pie,and went t e one after tt, then took me on a fcuking big detour o singapore. im sorry, but im singaporean.. i dun NEED a tour. i dun WANT the "scenic route" thankyou very much. bahhh.. so by e tym i finally got t sam and got back on the pie and got t sch e fare was 21 bucks. bleeding moron..

mm we got t sch and did e last min prep things, like printing our "research", and simple binding o our research and our "sketches" which were cocked up on the spot. surprisingly, we found tt we were the most prepared grp. the SISTERHOOD was e MOST PREPARED?... oooh. amazing. this bauhaus project [forget abt e sleepless nights, the feet aches, and head aches and eye ball popping, vein throbing pains] was the best ever project we've done. in terms o relative t e class, and relative t our past projects. we manage t finish on time, and even early. our poster, namecard, and book were professionally printed and quite pro-ly done. [book by yers truely!]. ahh our presentation was.. alright. not bad. our marks fer our past projects on e other hand were less than satisfactory. i got D,D,E and so did sam. fifi got D,E,E and kheng got D,D,C. gees..

fifi and i left fer town where on e way, i learned tt leon was in town too. so we hung arnd FEP and i waited fer leon and she waited fer her sec sch fren and mel t have dins. mm leon and i left and went t scotts t eat. then we chilled at one o e top levels couches, and had load o fun. [: fer e first tym, it felt like it was back t a happier time, ie one tt didnt have deadlines rearing its ugly head at us. [: im feeling goood.

tom, both he and i dun have sch, but we cant see each other cos he needs t study. bahhhhhhh. i hate promos. and i have shooting at 430. i think i must be e worst imformed/ just-plain-worst director. i dun even noe when my shooting schedule is, and wot scenes we're shooting. mmm im sleepyfied.

i cant believe tt we've done so much [it feels like alot], and we still have so much more. this weekend i have t do shooting fer locvid and get started on our specom final speech which has t be delivered on thursday. on monday we're helping syaid w his photography project, and on tues we are acting fer khengs final project.then e week after tt we have medisoc final paper. then, our locvid is due e next week after medisoc.

im sleepy. dreamland is calling meeeee. [: night

2004-09-28T21:17:00.000+08:00

yest, i was obviously not in the right frame o mind. had quite a bit t say, but it all didnt come out. wot did come out was floozy lightheaded giddy things.

anyway, repeat after me "adri rocks balls".
you know whywhywhywhywhyyy? hahahhahaha, cos number one, i figured out how t use indesign, and number two, after realising tt my lousyfied dell couldnt install adobe indesign, i had t think o a plan t do all e shit tt i need t do despeartely by tom. so i didnt panic -clapclap- and i brought out the compaq which my mommy brought back a while back [no its not new.. its another dinosaur, but at least it functions] and had t reconfigure the lan settings and everything. and guess wot? IT WORKS!! IM ONLINE!! whoooowheeeee. who rocks balls? meeeee. heh. talk abt bhb.

mm ooh, yest, a big thankyou must go out t kheng wei cos he let us use his place, mess his kitchen, de-shit his prawns, jump on his bed, insult his fish [he has TWENTY!], chill on his couch, watch his tv and play arnd w his cool hooking up o his com t the tv, and most sweetly enough, cook fer us! [: and the food was damn goooood. seriously. hahahahahhaa.. soooo. a BIG thankyou kheng is due. [[:

bauhaus is killing me. im seriously bushed out from all this. today i walked arnd the whole bras palza looking fer e best deals and best bargains. hey those shits are damn ex, so you have t excuse the auntiness inside o us. our printing per peice is gna cost us 3 bucks. the paper must be made o gold. \:

cant be bothered t put on makeup, do my hair or wear nice shoes. too tired.

dinner.

2004-09-28T01:08:00.000+08:00

im feeling free so i shall update.

this freedom is a fallacy. actually, i have alotalotalooottt t do. mm.. just tt i cant seem t think o anything t do now? strange.

ive come up w a new way t keep awake at night. when tired, go t slp fer an hr, then wake, then keep falling asleep [make sure yer well-trained enough t wake up] and keep waking up until you feel pretty awake. like me now. only prob is tt you get kinnda dead, and this "outta-time" kinnda feel in yer head.

called leon knowing he probably was asleep, but just t check, and surprise surprise, he was awake! [: he was gna msg me, but told himself t finish e chapter first. and jc bio chapters are prettyyyy long. ah.. so tts why. but its aite. hes awake latelate, and i am too.

now im gna finish wot i can fer bauhaus then go see if leon is gna slp then we can conk off and kiss the world gooodnight.

im not sure how this entry sounds. in my head i think it sounds strangely lightheaded and airy. not sureeeeee. maybe its me? lalalalalaaaaaa

bauhaus is killing me. im serious.

night.

2004-09-26T01:20:00.000+08:00

everything is changing and i dont feel the same.

this year has been the best of my life. tonight is my first self proclaimed "Tell everyone i love them" night. every 25th from now on will be "tell everyone i love them" day. [:

today has been full of nostalgia. first, i looked through my old gbk and saw all the things ppl said, and wot we were stressed abt and was reminded how i was, and how much my life has changed. fer e better. my first 3 months were spent mainly in leanne's company. [: and i managed t spend tym w all those ppl i wanted t. then came nyjc..where i found a wonderful group of friends and we were called "the himbs and the bimbs". made up of mich, huien, emily, jint, raymond, shane, kelvin and i and of course i found the best thing in my life, leon yzelman then came np.. [: the sisterhood rock my world. fifi, sam and kheng are my life in np.they make sch bearable,and even enjoyable.

i love them all.

but things change. sometymes fer e worse, and sometymes fer e better. overall, this year has been so good. tts a big change from last year. but in this year, things have changed as well.. lea and i no longer are able t spend so much time together, cos shes in a totally different country and the himbs and the bimbs dun exist except in memory. now theyre called the "anti-social popcorns" and im not included in this. but its alright.. things change.. and i still love them.

kelvin>> yer so sweet kelvin.. u made me tear. u must realise though.. that things have changed. whether we want them to or not. i still love you just as much. those memories always be cherished. the time with you and the himbs and bimbs cherished. the love we had for each other always cherished. alright? thankyou fer not forgetting,and not wanting tt t change. but sadly, it has. but its okay.. it is. [: really. let me go.. ill always remain by yer side.

2004-09-25T16:03:00.000+08:00

aeii.. bauhaus is killing my brain cells. by today, we must come up w a whole dedign layout fer everything. i set the goal, and so i must complete it. bahhh.. shitters im dying. like seriously. how i wish this week was past. next week will be e most stressful week ever. im starting t hate paul klee. why cant he talk in simple fucking english? none o us can understand wot hes trying t say, or wot e websites trying t say. fucking hell.. arty farty sods.

and bleeding hell.. its just great tt i have two tests on monday. locvid and specom. the fuck?

mm editing test was aite. amazingly, since it was e first tym i actually laid hands on it and made it work. i decided X1, X2 was due t e stupidity o e machine, and therefore i cldnt be bothered t make the machine work properly, since it involved complex mathetical equations, such as adding and minusing. soooo.. i just pressed mark in mark out where i wanted e scene t begin,and where i wanted it t end, ignoring the stupid 5 frame auto-take at e back and put it in where i wanted it t be, just overlapping the last cuts 5 frame auto-take, i refused t bother previewing and reviewing, just pressed auto edit and hoped tt it came out alright. of my 6 cuts, i think abt 2 were well done -clapclap-,2 were alright, and 2 were shit. no continuity. but hell.. i cant care. anyway, doing pretty alright in locvid.. got A- fer project one,and did above average fer camera test. but e test on monday i shall screw.. 35% maen.. hell. ive learnt extremely little from her.

oh congratulations t pj fer making e first cdc movie in spore! YAY! mm the effects o being a locvid student is tt u look out fer wires, talk abt e sound, look at e lighting, the framing, the shots... oooh. watching films/tv are no fun, cos everytym we do, the thoughts o "over exposure." "ots shot". "too much ambience. bad booming" inevitebly and quite annoyingly float across our minds. no watching in peace.

ahhhhh.. im sleepy. maybe i shall go nap and wake up refreshed and ready t take on paul klee agn. damn maen. schs a bitch.

im lucky i have a great boy. damned lucky.

2004-09-23T21:07:00.000+08:00

alot o pleasant things happening. compensating the horrid grades and even more horrid work tt i have t do.

sths cocked w haloscan. aeii just sign pls.

mm my feeeeet are keeeellliinnngggg meeeee. sob. ah today showed me just how work dominated and school ruled it is. i went t sch early [woke up damn early] just t meet sam so tt we cld go do reseach on specom and do a rough outline. bahhh.. then my consultation fer specom. got a C fer my speech, tho my vocal delivery, use o visual aids, presentation and basically everything was goooood. she said near perfect. butbutbut.. wrong choice o topic. bahhhh. not persuasive enough. journal gt a B+. but she was daaaaammnn impressed by our 'test' audience analysis, and our outline and everything. [: yay.. hopefully we get e full 20/20.

ah thennnn.. dfs met kok kee outside the office and dragged him t pitch our ideas and clarify stuff and try t get him t give us some hints/info and talk t him fer a bit. hes nice t tease hahahahaha.. but e thing is. he is so flighty, he forgets who u are practically two seconds after meeting you. lol.. then then then, we waited fer kheng t finish his consultation and headed t town. why town? t go t library and kino and goehe institute t get books on bauhaus. sob. then.. i went t meet lea, then told her i had t go back t meet e rest t do bauhaus, so in e end, she followed the sisterhood t e goehe institute t watch us do research. LOL.. mm.. how sad is my life.

im dead tired, but pleasant surprises keep me alive. [: today, i met lea [YAYYYY!], got some headway on bauhaus [erm yeah work oriented still but yeahhh, and on e train i heard sth from my baby boy tt was surprising and veryvery sweet. [: filled w nostaligia. not tt i dun like np, e sisterhood are e bestbestbessssttt. and everyday w out fail i will laugh till i can die. but.. i miss ny so much. realised when i was talking t leon abt all e ppl back at ny, tt i was really close t kelvin. the closest person ever t me. seriously. mm then all the things i miss abt ny. mich and her crappiness and her funniness/non-funniness and emo and her mp3, shane and his neurotic behavior, kelvin and everything t do w kelvin, huis and her cockedupcuteness, jint and her tcp and serious talks and nonsensical thoughts. hahahahahaha.. spotting eyecandies. hanging at e lib- stage and rooms, at e student lounge, at e canteen.wearing my tie and not getting caught fer my short skirt.spotting leon yzelman. oh everything.

everything

2004-09-22T17:33:00.000+08:00

aeiiii..
saw both my bestfren and my boyfren today. talked t my longtymfren too. oh my.. i love everyone.

we were hugging each other on e escalator and we stepped off. unknowingly, my darling leon stepped on my toe full flat out, and then proceeded t do some painful turny thing/keep his balance thing/step o e escalator thing, and errr.. e result is. my toenail is cracked, and its bleeding inside, and e blood has seeped out from under the nail. mmmm.. ouch.

i think abt e work and everything everything i need t do, im so tired. and i dont know where t begin. feel like crying, but crying wun help a thing. so just start from e very begining. and breathe. and just tackle wot i can.

i dunno wot i can do tho. bahhhh.. i hate school.

2004-09-22T10:35:00.000+08:00

aeiii.. im in sch and cos i so smartly fogot t bring my shoese fer s&w i didnt go. mmm but e morning turned out.. good. yes baby boy? hahahahhahaha ;) -mwaah-

im sleepyfied. have t do research fer specom tom. bahhhhh.. consultation w sammie. \: im sure it wun go very well. think adri think.. lol. ooh! cheryl voo called ans we're gna meet today, cos bernice moved t simei. coooool. [: oh and meeting sue t give back her skirt. fifi and sam think i look strange in her clothes cos theyre sweet and im.. not? hahahhahaha..

meeting nwc at one. oh joy..

decided t do art fer bauhaus project. we're quite screwed up. haii.. diness. 8 days t presentation, locvid and specom written on monday, sab due on friday, and outline and audience analysis fer tom. erm.. i dun think we can cope.

2004-09-21T23:15:00.000+08:00

things are solved. back t normal.
fought, thrashed, discussed, loved.
we're good.

specom drags me into its realm o boringness... ahhhhh..

my heart beats so unruly, because i love you truely.
honest, truely.
i do

2004-09-20T19:26:00.000+08:00

the tears well up
i choke them down
lodged in my throat
i cant breathe
i cant control
i cant deal

why do we keep fighting the same battle. why dun we just move on? whywhywhy?

i realise. everytime my day is good, you bring me down. is tt an unfair judgement? perhaps. but recently it feels like this. my days are good, why? cos o e sisterhood. and when i want t tell you about all the things ive done, all ive experienced, everything tt im excited and happy abt. you just shut me off. why? why? i dont get it
why cant you be happy for me? not even happy, im just asking fer a little interest.

you dont tell me about yer life till i ask, fine. you dont tell me who yer with, where you go, fine. you dont help keep me in contact w my frens in ny by keeping updated on their lives, fine. you cant take an interest in my own life? your own girlfriend?

waiting. and breaking. tts all i ever seem to do

my tears are blinding me

2004-09-20T09:07:00.000+08:00

breathe in the pain. inhale... exhale.
relax... relax into the hurt.
stop blocking it out.
let the wounds sting
free the mind with one breath at a time.
don't let it overwhelm
control control
accept the heartbreak
one breath at a time
.......

~~im learning t deal.~~

2004-09-19T14:43:00.000+08:00

KHENG IS BANNED FROM MY BLOG

hahahhahaha jokingjoking. aeii.. ew theres some unidentified brown object situated near my leg on e floor. cross between poo and rubber. \: bloody nwc mailed me asking fer paperword. go suck shit and die. bahhhhh.

mm media critique due tom at 5. aeii... damn. boring shit. 800 words. not tt bad, but im lazyfied. lol.. yes i shall be hardworking and do it... soon. [:

the 'rents r getting on my nerves. shall not elaborate.

damn this phone is FINE.kelvin tt bastard is gna get it.

aeiii.. ive come up w a plan. things i WILL NOT DO, and things i MUST DO. my holy bible fer e next erm.. well until certain objectives have been met.

i WILLLLLL lose weight. how?

eat less

drink lime juice

stop eating after 9

do pilates

i will NOT bite my nails. school has ruined my nails. gees.

i will learn t control my temper

i will NOT procrastinate!

i wish there was no such shit as promo or projects. these 3 weeks will be difficult. oh so difficult. i get t see you this friday, but not next. reduced everything. my heart is being reduced t shreds.
but ill be strong. afterall.. its only 3 weeks. how hard can it be?

aeii who im i trying t kid? ha rhetorical qn. myselffffff. bahhh.
i miss you

2004-09-18T22:45:00.000+08:00

[: filled up with love.

yest was goood. except fer nwc. fucking bungbo. she called us singaporeans she said "get out. get out all you singaporeans". me not being very smart, went "huh singaporeans?". which trigged her angry tirade o us being so affected by e system, become so unresonding and uncreative or sth t tt effect. fifi and i just walked out o e room, me saying loudly " im leeaavvviing". SUCK SHIT LA.

anyway, headed t ny. took a bus t sc, then realised tt i had no coins and no value in my card and didnt wanna ask fer change, so i cabbed down t toa payoh central, where i did my hair and all and topped up my card then headed down t ny. sat at e bus stop and did my media critique points and waited fer him. he called and asked me t come into e canteen and i was a bit reluctant due t e fact tt i was erm.. not really very jc decked out. i had my abercrombie short white skirt, black spag, shoulder dusters and heels. lol. i wld so blend in w e brown uniformed ny peeps. anyways, huis and leon picked me up from the track and brought me in. [: sat w mich and huis waiting fer fawwaz t come and leon t finish pw, so we cld get huis's ipod mini. headed t town and got her ipod [its pink!] and went t lido t slack and admire e beauty o e ipod. woooo.. its beaaautifuuulll..

leon and i left fer pasir ris beach. [: good time, good loving. got home at abt 12. he sent me back in a cab. hahaha an hr late. but no scolding, so alls good.

when the first touch of our hands came. on the bus. so warm, so amazing. tt first contact.
when the first kiss came, stolen. fast, sweet, unexpected. but i realised, tts wot ive been missing, fer e past week.. tt first connection.

im loving you.

2004-09-16T19:38:00.000+08:00

damnnn tired.

work is killing me. insidiously creeping into my very veins and injecting slow acting, lethal poison. soobbb.. hahahah drama a bit. [: mm

we finally managed t pass up gracom. alot o unfortunate happening took place, but we did manage t finally pass it up. i must add, 3 weeks late. lol but kok kee didnt mind. DFS bullshitted our way thru consultation. quite amazing really, since we didnt prepare anything including, not having any knowledge wotsoever abt bauhaus. wow.. it went alright. too tired t elborate, except tt kok kee wun give us his number, and he think tt sams hp number is nice, and he checks his voice mail, but doesnt call back. |: lol..

alot o laughs today. actually, alot o laughs everyday. i think sam and my humour is similar.. hahahahaha we laugh at absolutely nonsensical things such as, khengs websters dictionary. hahahahahhahahahha. can KILLLLL. lol.

hahahhahaha and sam was bursting vessels in her brain today. her eyball is gna pop out soon. she can feel it throbbing.
memorable statement fer today- reza: "I am a rapist and an ex convict" aptly made in specom.

dun mind me. tired delirious ramblings from a numbed out brain.

kelvin>> HAHAHHAHAHAHHA.. yer poetry.. sucks shit. HAHAHAHHAH.. sweet tho. love.

things are getting tough between us, cos o e sudden onslaught o new work and procrastianted work[me] and the proximity o promos[him]. ahhhh.. i hate being so strained. we're always on the edge, constantly uptight and forever cranky. work related stress is killing us. me. you. and us. but as we've talked abt, this tym will pass[come on pass faster] and we will be good. better than good. oh i just want this t be over baby boy.

till i next see yer smile, ill be loving you

2004-09-14T20:25:00.000+08:00

im tired. ha alot o work t do.

tonight must do typography, phoenetics journal. err which is not possible. tom, do bauhaus research at jurong lib, and come up w a 10 min survey thing and audience analysis fer e class by e next day. by monday i have t do a 800 word media critique. i think i might cry.

questioning me, questioning you. what wld you do fer me? wot are the lengths you wld go t fer me?
live fer me? die fer me?

i ask too much o everyone.

edit>>i make believe yer close t me. it aint close enough. i miss you.
i love you

i will go the distance, i will go the miles. tts how much you mean to me

2004-09-13T18:46:00.000+08:00

mm during e two hr break, we decided t go t bikit panjang t eat [which is uber near t fifi's place]. so after we finished eating, we planned t go back fer gracom. seriously we did.theeennnnn.. fifi spilt milk tea down her white roxy front, so we headed t her place t change. and we really did plan t go back. we played w her camera [ill upload e photos under here], and played game o life. sam was e richest at e end, w 2.5 mil. i had 1.8 mil, while kheng was some measly 1.08 mil. LOL.. i love getting a $100,000 per annum salary. hurr. mmm let me stress agn, tt we really did plan t go back, even jst t go and sign attendance. but, like e slackers we are.. we cldnt be bothered t move, and so, skipped gracom, and made 2 extremely retarded videos [which i cant upload! wrong format or sth]
e first featured the BOB noises. hahahaha.. first was kheng the ferrari. LOL.. funnyfied shittt.. i shall attempt t type out e sounds.. naioooooo, niaaaaoooooo, chutchut,niaaaooooooooo. psssstt.. niaoooooo. LOL. then next was ME. ha adri the spastic snail.. hhahhahaha.. commentary: "snails have 14000 teeth on theyre tongue" accompanied by me sticking my tongue out and pretending t lick sth, while rolling my eyes upwards, w my hands as "feelers". hahahaha.. next was sam w e original BOB instruments.. "pop pop pop.. popoppop!".LOL..

next was our "music video" called "STEAAAAM". hahahhaha.. our diff types o movements t e word "STEAAAAAAM". hahahaha.. retardedness.

mm im in sch, and moms bugging me t get back. sodding old arse. ahh im gone. enjoy the photos.

sam i and kheng making the word BOB w out hands.

sisterhooders on the couch, taken by a camera on tripod.

sammie and i on the couch taken by yers truely.

sam and kheng. sam wanting t poke khengs face. LOL

the ever narcissistic me. [[: i had the camera in my hands fer 5 min and look wot happens. LOL

2004-09-12T19:41:00.000+08:00

lol. well so we decided t meet at city hall at 2pm. i arrived late as usual, but only 20mins which doesnt warrant the penalty tt BOB [elaborate later] gave out. which is dance arnd a pole/pillar papa g style. LOL.. the hell la?!
so, went t esplanade lib and after half an hr, realised tt e books we needed were not there, but at jurong regional lib. dots. it was 3pm alr, and we cldnt be bothered t go all e way t jurong, so we decided our topic fer Bauhaus project, then headed t suntec t eat. i had laksa! and so did darling sammie. fifi had her weird looking kaya,kaya toast[it was light sickly toxic green], which didnt taste good according t her. mmm waste o a dollar. bought a pressie fer sammies one month old cousin and headed home.

lol.. let me elaborate on BOB. it stands fer Band Of Bauhaus. hahahha i cant really rem the exact origins o this newest piece o retardness from us, but we had a hell lot o laughs abt it. i think ethan thinks tt e DFS is totally mad.. hahaha kheng is used t our insanity alr i think. LOL. oh the BOB has instruments made out o newspaper collected from the HDB flats. "Hi, pls donate yer old newspapers t BOB pls?" LOL. oh, and u noe e papermache kinnda things, where they wrap it arnd balloons and let it dry? we use those as instruments as well. like "pop pop pop... poppoppop" HURR. idiotic no? hahahahahha i laughed till i cried.

whoooo kheng was a nicenice boy. we whined fer a bit and he got bought us strawberry's in chocolate coating. [[: fer sam and i [[: nicenice boy. thx dear.

had chilli crab agn [[: yayyyy.yummyyummy ive got love in my tummy. mmm speaking o love, we're alright. i msged and we are alright now. we just have t talk it out and talk it through. which is wot we always do at e end o a fight. our post mortem. analytically and objectively, we examine our each nuance, each hurt, each feeling, and the root of the problem. then we know wot t look fer, and learn and grow. its a long painful process but i wouldnt have it any other way
-tender kiss- *ilu

2004-09-12T13:41:00.000+08:00

im sorry fer how i flared last night.
i know i shldnt have. i knew u were really tired, i just wanted t talk t u and when u didnt respond t me, i got annoyed. sorry.

and im sorry fer being so selfish.
i really do hate sharing u w work and other commitments. i know tt you have t, but.. its just tough when u have no time fer me when ive waited one whole day just t hear yer voice.

and im sorry fer being so unreasonable.
i know tt you have t do all tt shit, and i understand tt studying is number one consideration right now, with promos right arnd e corner. and i do know how much you need t pass and how stressed you are. i was so happy, i felt everything was perfect, and i just wanted t hear yer voice and be happy, but instead, last night happened. i know at e start u were just playing, but i thot it was just wasting tym,cos in e end we didnt even talk at all. just alot o silence and stupid superficial shit. and when u said u didnt noe wot t talk abt, tt hurt.. cos... how can u not have anything t talk t me abt? u msged t tell me tt wasnt wot u meant, but... still.
i dunno.

the odds are agst us once agn. i wish we cld just leave all this shit behind. and go somewhere where making money and surviving in this world wasnt important. where everything is simple and good. i just need my simple pleasures. i dont need the 10k tt u want t make, i dont need the high tech house, i dont need a nice car. i dont care abt all these material shit. i know u do, but really.. i need t make u see, tt it doesnt matter. dont chase after things tt dont make this life more worthwhile. ill lend u "tuesdays w morrie", and maybe ull understand then.

im sorry fer last night. and i know you are too.

lets work this out.

but i just want t remind you tt
iloveyou

2004-09-11T20:52:00.000+08:00

hahahaha watching the encore telecast. LOL olinda raawwwkkkss, but her dancing.. mm sth left desired fer. but her voice is daaaamn good. [: steady bongpipi? erm.. ha

yest went out w my baby boy after gg fer locvid, which was a total waste o my tym. when i was in the atrium writing e script, she so kindly informed e class tt im "not high on communication skills" then asked queenie and zat t help me. ahhhhhh go die u old hag. still want me t be director? u think i WANT t be director? ERM NO?? anyway, went out w him.. ohhh the terminal rocks balls! but a tad bit long.
oohh and i was a badbad girl.. i didnt go fer dance reh. number one i was late alr, number two, i had just eaten and i wld be bloated, number three, i didnt have my hairtie and clips. so yepppp.. tts why. mm told them tt i was sick and told my mom tt i was working in sch and forgot the tym. im gg t hell from all this lying. bahhh..mm oh i made him eat jap [i sponsored this momentous occasion] and he ate udon and tempura fer e first time! i wld have exposed him t e dedlights o chawanmushi, but sadly they had run out. i mean i know its 9 plus at night, but.. HOW can u run out o chawanmushi! mmm maybe its the rise o price o egg. \:

i slept 11 hrs last night, t make up fer my lack o slp e past few nights. today is another late night. yaaawn. im alr dying.

ooh sorry sammie! i didnt mean t not pick up yer calls, and i thot tt i wld come online and talk t u which is why i didnt call back. i heard abt yer suckshit grp. haii poor darling. its alright, the sisterhood is alwaysalways here fer u. mwaah

oh we gt a new name fer darling nwc. shes now a BUNGBO. i was saying tts shes stupid and flighty and just reallyreally empty brained. but she cant be a bimbo, cos shes too fugly fer tt, and shes gender confused [seriously, she has ALOT o armpit hair and upper lip hair ewwwness?], so shes a bungbo. lol

happy 3rd baby boy. it seems such a mm short amt o tym. if u count it by days, weeks and months. but, we dont. wot counts is the experiences we've been through, the personal and inter-personal growth tt has happened, and the love tt ultimately bonds us tgt. yer love is the best gift tt cld be given t me.
My hopes are so high,
that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me,
so I die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst,
to break or bury,
or wear as jewelery,
which ever you prefer.
-hands down by dc

2004-09-10T07:18:00.000+08:00

in the end, i decided t go t slp and wake at 4 t do my script.

guess wot.
yepp u guessed right. i didnt wake and therefore i havent finished my script. so right now im sitting in the atrium writing it, and my brain is blocked. ive decided also not t go fer class. too tired t listen t her senseless drivel, and furthermore hahaha i will be screwed if i go in w/out e script. so i might as well be marked absent and go fer class late, with e script. then be marked present and die by her hands. death by wei chin? errr.. there are more pleasant ways t leave this world. -shudder

alex parks is crooning me good morning, and beside the fact tt im dead sleepy, and dead if nwc sees me, im quite fine.

2004-09-09T13:20:00.000+08:00

speech was aite..

stayed up till 4.15 online doing my shit. im no tired amazingly. haii..

script writing later.
love

2004-09-08T19:27:00.000+08:00

i think i might die from the work load.

tonight, i must:

finish my speech outline

write out my whole speech

get ready visual aids that will enhance my presentation, and help me remember my fcuking points

send the powerpt t sam and kheng
practice and time the speech

erm. is that actually humanly POSSIBLE? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. im fucking DEAAAADDDD.

OH.. and wonderful weichin asked fer e script (2-3 pages) by friday. when i replied tt i didnt noe if we had enough tym, as we finished sch at 3, then have a a movie screening fer locvid till abt 6, then bauhaus meeting(now postponed) and i didnt think we cld finish the script by friday, she said. "YOU write the script" -insert my stunned and appalled face- "yer the director right? YOU write the script"

THE FUCK?
meaning simply tt.. tonight i cant sleep, and i cant either tommorrow night.
and on friday, after locvid, i and leon and fifi and pj have t go see some guy regarding the fashion fiesta thing fer her cdc, then i have t go fer dance reh from 5-7 w the bastard on top of f-ing fort canning hill. and after tt i finally get t relax and enjoy my anniversary with leon. |:

crying wont help. i think ill just scream.

2004-09-07T20:16:00.000+08:00

hrm.. today i was damn zoned out. seriously zoned. my head felt stuffed up, just.. stuffed up. unable t think clearly.. thoughts were slow and irrational. maybe its lack o slp? mm too bad i cant help tt one.. im gna have t make it worse.

mm they say mass com is a bitchy course. true enough, but e work load and pressure they give doesnt help the situation. if u put alr tempramental ppl bunched tgt, force them t work in groups, pile huge amts o work and deadlines on them, place draconian teachers on their backs and see wot happens.... well no wonder the bitchiness.

watched the gods must be crazy in e lib. hahaha its damn funny la.. mm we got our first disciplinary offense. fer drinking in e library. dotssssss. hahaha its quite amusing really. mm the staff are anal. some guy got the offense thing fer talking on his phone ermm.. hahahahaha. amusing shit. lol oh and the gods mst be crazy is damn funny as well.. "i dont know. u get these sudden urges and then make up stories abt warthogs and rhinos" HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA..go borrow and watch it.

anyway, 3rd assessed speech is on its way, and i wish t tell everyone reading tt "OMFG...IM F-ING DYINGGGGGGG." . on top o tt, must plan fer gracom [typography tt was due on friday, and bauhaus (omfg)], LOCVID final proj [i have t meet nwc alone tom.. im scaaareeedddd], as well as SAB marketing shit. dieness.

thx t wyn fer agreeing so nicely, to act fer us [[: thx dearie. mwaah.

thx t baby boy fer nagging, worrying, pushing, helping, listening, advising, calming, comforting, raging, helping and most importantly, loving

2004-09-06T21:45:00.000+08:00

[: didnt go t sch. i half skipped, half was really sick. [[: lalalalalalalaaaa..

spsd t meet leon at 10am. i left the house at 10. so i cabbed down wasting 11.60 of my precious and fast depleting cash. butbutbut, i realised, tt darling leon yzelman, woke up when i got into the cab. sososooooo he owes me a present. cos he was in total, late fer 2 and a half hrs late in a span o 2 days! yay so im expecting a nicenice present yes bb? lol

had macs breakie at our spot at e esplanade. then we went up t workworkwooorkkk.. i managed t finish my outline fer my speech. now its narrowed down, its easier.. mmm i need t do workworkwoork, but im sleeeeepy and i dun feel like gg t sch tom. mm anyway yeah, so then we headed t park mall where we spent a enjoyable one hr plus in each others company, then he sent me up fort canning hill fer dance reh fer sleeping beauty.

dance reh was alright. e teacher/menor/analbastard was damn fucked. he made maria and i redo and redo and REDO the bleeding lilac fairy shit. hello tt part is like.. 6 counts? like 10 bleeding seconds. no one is gna give a freaking damn la.. and like the difference is.. one look downwards, one slight movement o the head, one 3 cm move of the hand?? esplanade is HOW BIG? who the cock is gna see? sod him and his pickyanalbehaviour.

im dreading sch. im shagged out babayyyyyeee.. lol night world.

2004-09-04T22:36:00.000+08:00

some photos taken recently.. [[:

LOL.. we are the ultimate cheeposss..we use the backgrnd and lighting and privacy o neoprint booths t take photos. hahahahha.. this one is fifi and i being retarded.

>
THIS is the SLACKERS UNITED, and we are the slackerssss of mass com. open t new membership, pre requistite wld be tt yer nice, look relatively normal, and of course... yer a SLACKER. [: taken in yet another neoprint booth

sammie and i in the neoprint booth. lol rubbishy us.[[:

fifi and i posing at ermmm some art statue thing outside wisma. hahahhaha damn embarrassing.

[: taken on friday at far east neoprint booth. my slacker darlings and leon.. wot more can i want? [:

sue and i in the disabled toilet at wheelock. we changed clothes. why? cos as sue says, im paranoid. hahahahah read her blog and ull get it. but we look good in each others clothes. [: yay besties rock.

sammie and i at the art thingy at wisma. lol i look damn rubbish. strange pose.

hahahahhaa mad me. hugging the nicely wrapped package o gracom materials. the purple words on it say "jinying and fiona's art piece" cos they so nicely wrapped it, while we were at e MEL center.

lol more stupidity on my part. look! ive coerced poor fifi t do daft things w me!

can i get MORE dumb? hahahahhahaha.. taken by sue agst e frosted glass o e diabled toilet.

sammie and i in from o e BIG LV thing. [: nice lighting, just not fer photos. another embarressing shoot.

2004-09-04T10:48:00.000+08:00

baby boy got me a skirt and a book tt ive wanted fer so long, yesterday. i cldnt bear t part from him, with the knowledge o not seeing him fer another week.

seperation sucks shit.

im missing him already.

2004-09-03T09:52:00.000+08:00

i lost my lap top.
my fault. i left it at the bus stop opp sch. my only excuse was tt i was tired and too busy talking t kheng. in these situations, im glad t have a male arnd because i totally lose my head and all im able t do,is panic, stone, and cry. which is just wot i did. he took care o everything, and i must say thankyou fer being there and paying fer e cabs and going back w me and everythingeverythingeverything. -HUG

my lappie with all my photos, music, programmes and non existant work in there is gone. no i dun have insurance, no i dun have my name or particulars inside the case on on the laptop.

its gone, its gone its gone.

pls return it to this poor girl who is crying her eyes out t her even more pitiable boyfriend who has t listen t her hysterics.

pls have mercy on me.

pls dun mae me lose faith in humanity

2004-09-02T13:38:00.000+08:00

just read our convo saved from tt night agn. the night where i asked if u had anyone else in yer heart and u told me the truth. and it still hurts. its surreal really. i cant believe tt wld be the type u wld go fer..it makes me question myself and yer taste.

im really sleepy. and today im so wolsed out its quite amazing. poor fifi whos sitting next t me now in gracom keeps trying t talk t me, and i keep wolsing out on her. our project is bleeding hard. we have t research on bauhaus school o design, focus on one area o interest, design a celebratory package including a publication containing bauhaus history and successes, an information booklet abt the aesthetic and design principles looking at its imapct on modern design, a leaflet cum poster advertising an exibition on bauhaus at e singapore art museum and a wallet or containing device for these items. we also have t do a name card, and design a bus ad. and at e end, give an oral presentation t 3 or more examiners. supposed t be professional standard on prfessional paper. we are expected to know the weight of the paper, name o paper, why we chose it, the concepts used by bauhaus, the font names and history and how every single little thing down t the colous and shape o objects relate t bauhaus.
and we have less than a month t do all this.

OMFG?!?

i think i might die. no wonder designers are so flustered and scatterbrained. if this is the type o work they have t do continuously... i understand.

lets go t a happier place in our head

2004-09-01T18:31:00.000+08:00

ive decided t let him think abt it and draw his own conclusions.
i believe i am right, and i wld like t ask him t believe me, cos my feelings are rarely wrong, but im not gna force his decision. it wld only make both o us unhappy. so the decision is yers. ive had my say, this is your choice.

i listen to my heart, my head, my subconscious, my little nuances. im fully aware of myself, and so i believe tt my intuition is correct. im not saying tt i know when someones being sincere or not at all tymes, but i noe fer sure tt i know when i feel tt someone is being superficial,its true. theres a fine difference. i have no other belief in myself besides tt i know myself and i trust those signs. i cant expect anyone else to believe in them. trust cant be gained after 3 months o knowing each other.

the truth hurts like mad fuck. it really does. but im glad our relationship is such open and truthful one.as i said before, i abhore lies, deceit and insincerity. so i wont lie, some things [you noe which] hurt like a stab in the heart. and they still do sting. but truth in a relationship is an essential contributing factor to its survival. and i fully intend fer this relationship t survive. remember third loves? hahahahaha we'll never find another third. i know tt you dun mean t hurt me, and tt i only always ask fer the truth from you. its better this way [: and i do love you so.

we'll survive.

2004-09-01T09:28:00.000+08:00

my mom is mad. she sent me t sch at 705. class didnt start till 8. and the teacher didnt come. damn.. i was planning t fake sick. mm did half an hr o warmups and shit w e physical guys, then from then till now, ive been slacking.

im hating her

i hate her wide eyed pretence
i hate her lying bones of deceit
i hate her farcial innocence
i hate her saccharine sweetness
i hate her smile hidden smirk

simply put
i hate her

the enemy now no longer faceless,
now replaced by a monstrous idol dripping sick sweetness from every pore.
oh all the saturated sugar coated lovers,
lay down thee hearts at the base and watch her play catch with them.
juggle juggle the paining pining aortas.
..watch.. watch.
watch her let them fall with a smile
as they shatter beneath her great majesty's feet.

you are giving me cause to worry. i just hope u realise before its too late. why? its just a feeling. just a feeling.
my feelings are normally right. i dont mind the other. but this threat is too large fer me t bear. the blunt knife bores through my heart. awl a hole. pick it out.
my head is brimming with awful imagery. all because of tt saccharine smile. i hate insincerity. i hate lies. i hate deciet. and to me, she feels like all tt.
trust my feelings

2004-09-01T00:43:00.000+08:00

my head is light. i feel faint. like im drunk. but no cause fer worry, cos leon made me eat a biscuit. the biscuit sucked. sucked shit. tasted like coffee cos the coffee beans are in the same box as the biscuits. \:

mm today i met him so tt he cld explain last night to me, and the long story tt proceeded it. alot o things happened today which im too tired t blog abt. so long story short, we're fine. im just as much in love [perhaps even more] with him. and things are good.

baby boy, i do care tt there are ppl who are vying fer yer attention and have amourous alebeit sneaky intentions of stealing yer affections from me. but as long as you love me with all yer heart, and give yer heart t me then... theres nothing fer me t fear. i love you. and i know you love me just as much. and i know tt no one will take you away from me. no one

just wanna say tho tt:
the boy is mine.

2004-08-30T21:11:00.000+08:00

yest night we talked fer quite a while, and alot o things revealed, alot o insight gained. [: im a lucky girl. count my blessings. the first one [and biggest] is leon yzelman without you boy... i dont know wot i would do. i dont know how i have lived for so long without you in my life.everything is so much better now tt yer here fer good

some ppl in class are ~~irritating me~~ pissing me off. i cld slap all those arseshits. some shld relax a bit and stop fucking hounding and being so hypocritical. hidden claws under silk sheets.. some shld stop being so sodding selfish [angry alliteration -_-]. some shld stop wasting our bleeding tym and get things done properly [fer grp stuff]. dun make us stay back extra, and repeat shit and throw our precious resources down the farking drain. some shld stop being so intolerant and bitching abt every single bloody thing on this face o this earth. you dont own the fucking world. some shld STOP BEING SO FARKING PICKY. dun demand compensation on every single shit. give a lil take a lil. selfish cunts. all those shits shld just GET A LIFE, and stop cutting off years from mine because o my rising blood pressure. alright. my violent tirade is done.

today was gooood save the bitchiness encountered by some members o 104. the sisterhood rocks ballsssss. met sam at kallang at 9+ and gt t sch on tym [[: much t my baby's delight. LOL. lecturelecture.. oh i oh so smartly brought e wrong set o notes t lecture. i brought specom tut notes. bahh. specom was spent disturbing kheng who was on my left with the lilclamfork/minibackscratcher/hairchopstickaccesorythingy tt fifi dear[on my right] brought back from phuket fer meeee.[: yay! then had lunch at galileo cafe. OMFG..word of warning: do NOT eat the chicken cutlet at galileo cafe unless you want t spend an hr sawing ineffectively at this piece of cow hide disguised as a piece o delicious looking chicken cutlet. tricksyyyy.. damn man. after DFS ate tt, the roofs of our mouths were sore from having t battle this extraordinarily tough slab o meat, our fingers red and tender from having grip our cutlery as weapons. ]: dun eat tt. oh but their soda strawberry rocckkss. gracom, we got locked out,but the janitor opened it fer us.why was it locked? dunno..nono, kok kee doesnt lock doors. tt wld require effort. he hates expending any kind o effort. lol. hes a nice sweet dotherry man tho. mm hung w jing ying and daphne [[: theyre cool humans. OH, EVERYONE GO VOTE FER DAPHNE ON SPORE IDOL!MUSTMUST!
after sch.. mm the DFS towned. yay! i reserved a niceee skirt from exotic blue. its abercrombieeeeee [: h and i got earrings from future state. damn niceeee. we tried on bikinis/cupkinis/trikinis at topshop and tried on even more clothes at fox. i like tt shirt! but too bad, the pink is left w just 3's which is waaay t big fer me. im happyyyy,com tom im meetin sue my best in town so she can give me my 75 which is sitting in her account [HOPEFULLY] and get my skirt. pray tt nothing goes wrong and the money wasnt transfered t e wrong account! i might diieeee if tt happens. serious. the skirt is uberrrrrfiedddd niceeeee. [: OH FOX IS HAVING A SALE. so all those interested go down. up t 70%.

alright, tts my lovely day. waiting fer him t finish breaking and come home. i have t do gracom man. or im DEAD. ]]: haii.. im alr dying. sinking into this pit o procrastination brought abt destitution where all the slackers end uppppppppppp. lol.

everything means nothing, if i aint got you baby

edit at 1012>>OH AND DARLING SAMMIE PUSHED ME OFF THE BENCH IN THE LIBRARY TO CURE MY HUCCUPS. which btw.. did NOT work. oh and I MISSED WYNNIE IN HER UGLY SHIRT YET AGNNNNNNNNN..

2004-08-29T16:35:00.000+08:00

somethings gone awry in my life. im not sure wot.
im despising the avarice tts creeping into this generations hearts. wait. did i say creeping? i meant taken hostage. all of us have fallen prey. let me free myself fromthis mire of never-ending greed and despair.
dont speak euphemistically abt "better lives", "affluence", "neccessary evil". save yer perfunctory spiels. i will hear them not. do you not see wot yer doing? exacerbating the divides between the dreamers and the green-eyed monsters of society.

let me live and love.

-*-
Everyone's gone to the moon
Streets full of people, all alone
Roads full of houses, never home
A church full of singing, out of tune
Everyone's gone to the moon

Eyes full of sorrow, never wet
Hands full of money, all in debt
Sun coming out in the middle of June
Everyone's gone to the moon

You see a long time ago life had begun
Everyone went to the sun
Parks full of motors, painted green
Mouths full of chocolate-covered cream
Arms that can only lift a spoon

You see everyone's gone
Everybody's gone
Everyone's gone to the moon
Everyone's gone to the moon
What will happen now
Everyone's gone to the moon
There's nobody left
Everyone's gone to the moon

2004-08-29T00:45:00.000+08:00

i wish he wld msg me back.
i wish he wld call me back.
i wish i knew if he was awake or asleep.
i wish i knew what he was doing right now.
i wish i cld hear his voice soothing my fears.
i wish he knew tt im crying out for him.
i wish he was by me, holding me tight.

im needing you. where are you?

edit at 12.59>> im lucky t have sue as my best. seriously lucky. i love her and her advice. its wot u know yet in tt moment dont think abt. its a mixture of what you need t hear, and what you should hear. its straight up and neat, yet filled w care. thankyou sue.. i dunno wot i wld do w/out you.
im alright. gna chill out. i think im gna slp now. chill adri

2004-08-28T10:25:00.000+08:00

mmm these 3 days have been heaven. [:

i think we're both gearing up fer a long stint o work and heartaches from the seperation. his promos are in 35 days and my work has long been piling while i go on hiatus. or rather i procrastinate it off.. no more tym t procrastinate alr.

im scared fer him. im scared fer myself.

lets just hold on tight and hold we stay afloat together. if we sink, then ill be in your arms.

2004-08-27T00:17:00.000+08:00

how can i explain today? mmm i cant really remember everything, cos im too happy. the joy has wiped my brain clean of every misgiving or bad feeling i had today.

slacked the day away. went t spotlight and stoned. was damn horrible cos i just wandered arnd w NO inspiration at all. so i panicked and was near tears. then decided t just go down t ny and let things take its course. then sue called, and proposed i meet her. so i did, and im glad i did. mm went t ny late at abt 1845. my baby was breaking so i went up t watch w jint and mich
mm.. i like np. yes i do. i mean.. this is my choice. but nyjc.. it just holds so many happy memories. no the memories dun flood back, nor do i have flashbacks [tts waay too drama], but the feeling.. its just..and un-named feeling of.. placidity, solidity, contentment..its like. a warm fuzzy blanket being pulled over my mind. just relax and let myself be who i truely am. a beautiful indescribable sense just permeates my every cell, my every pore. my core. its really like coming home.
okay enough sentamentality.. well, we watched fer a bit, then mich went off t do some councel things. jint pulledme out where we talked properly. same un-named feeling. [: she left cos her father was waiting at e gate [after making him waigt fer 15 mins LOL].. i went up and watched him and daniel break. the mich came up and joined me, and we talked properly. [: same un-named feeling. mm kelvin,mich and raymond headed off home at abt 2000. waited fer him t finish and we walked out. daniel left and we headed t macs fer a drink. [: then headed t e park near his place.

the park was good. i played on all e equipment! it rockssss. i love the swings [: esp when he pushes me. but not when he scares me by running and standing in front o e swing. \: horrible boy! lol.. mmm left the park at 2300 and cabbed back home.
we swayed in the moonlight. its an extraordinary delight. i cant believe my luck. im seeing him 3 days in a row.

the heavens must have taken pity of two star crossed lovers who love too deep to let go

2004-08-26T09:53:00.000+08:00

yesterday was a very swingyfied day. started bad, then gt better then hit the looooowwww then hit the hiiiiigh.

start: raining cats, dogs,girraffes and monkeys. it was a zoo. i headed down t e bus stop cos i needed t go get cash from the mother cos i wld starve if i didnt. seriously, i had 2 bucks. mm.. i almost drowned on the way there. the buses and cars in spore are bleeding inconsiderate. they drive by ditches filled w dirty water, not bothering t slow down, splashing pedestrians left right and centre in their wake. arses. yeah, so i went down with not much incident, except fer a few old cheekopeks grinning lecherously. got the cash and cabbed down t sch cos i wld be late if i went by public transport. as it turned out.. i was the earliest in sch [as usual] act i dun get it.. im late fer everything except sch. must be because o e paranoid mother who insists on waking her victimized children by 545 when sch begins at 0730 [my sister] and 0800 [me]. yes im deviating. so yeah.. got the cash went down and filmed.

alright.. filming was ok. alot o changing o locations, and changing o locations is an extremely tedious and tiring process. then we finished in high spirits, returning the equipment and then we decided t spend a 100 o our video bucks [virtual cash tt apparently teaches us the value o our equip] on booking the editing machine fer an hr, jst t see or tape. excited and full o eager anticipation, we slot it into the second machine [the first machine was faulty. we seem t be plagued by faulty machines] and view it. mmmm its a let down, a failure, a reject from the amateur video pile, a condemned piece o work. then.. i dunno. i took it hard, and i just really wanted t see my baby. i wanted t msg kelvin t ask him how t get t yio chu kang [where the tennis and squash ppl train], but i ended up msging my baby, which is e last thing tt i wanted cos i didnt want him t know, cos he wld have asked me not t come down. lol. but luckily fer me he doesnt check his phone during training. so kelvin told me how t come down, and i took the train w pj till city hall then went on the red line [oohh first tym taking it so far. furthest is town normally]. i figured tt he wld still be there cos he normally heads back abt 7. but o course i was taking a wild chance, and the possibility o him not being there was quite high. still, i travelled t yio chu kang. increasing nervousness on the train. but it was a sort o lightheaded giddiness as well. found my way, and t my extreme disappointment, he wasnt at the courts. i didnt noe wot to do, i was lost. not literally, but tts how i felt. just hollow and.. lost. i stood there fer about 20 mins, trying t get my bearings back. then cos i arranged earlier t have dinner w sam and kheng so tt if he really wasnt there, my day wldnt be all bad, i decided t head back t town. my heart heavy i turned arnd and started walking t e train station. then, my phone rang. i opened it and my heart tt just a second ago was filled w lead, suddenly now filled w helium, LEAPT UP when it showed "Leon". [[:

i answered and he asked where i was, and i asked where he was, and he asked where i was, and i asked where.... alright u get e gist. he finally told me tt he was at e squah place. [: yay.. i told him i was too. [[: he cldnt believe i really was there. i rounded e corner and he rounded his, and there he was.. this sounds sooo soppy, but tts how it really was. [: i remember the last thing he said into e phone before we put down and walked towards the middle o e path t meet each other, it was "What are u doing here?" with this half incredulous, half joyful tone.i could hear him smile.. oh he wasnt at e squash courts, he was at e tennis courts w his aj friends, which is why i didnt see him. hahahaha me the hopeless romantic, am smiling while i type this. mm.. well being w him is like my dope. yer dope baby boy.. i was on such a high tt i took a cab down t city hall, spending my hard saved cash. but i didnt care, cos i heard him. and saw him. and held his hand. and tts all tt mattered.

dinner was good. kheng so nicely loaned me cash fer dinner.he loaned sam too.

todayyyy.. i have alot t do. fold clothes. go t spotlight. apply fer card and get my account number. crash ny at abt 3 and wait fer him t finish w teachers day crapp [yay i get t see my baby break!] then dins w whoevers there.[: mm happy.

youre everything i want. everything i need. everything i dreamed. and more.

2004-08-24T21:04:00.000+08:00

ooh my.
the test.. hahahah alriiiight la. hurr.. we went in a teeeny bit late. like 3 min. but tts aite. better than ethan who came in at 1015. our paper ends at 1030 btw. mmmmmm.. poor thing. i bet he mugged like mad. mm..

anways, after e paper, went t shoot, after a bit o trouble at e atrium w e counter. but it was only cos some silly ass turned e counter off. [i dun think it was me, cos the probem arose even before the sisterhood went t e atrium after our lunch at canteen one]. mm malcolm park is blardy infested w BUGS. ahhh! sam's worst nightmare. HAHAHAHHA.. but she found her own "ant free paradise" hahahahahahaha.. she took out reflector [the biig circle reflective material thingyy.. u noe t shine light onto ppls faces. the kind photographers use] and sat on it, and held her slipper in one hand on the pathway, looking arnd occasionally fer any sneakyfied ant tt might creep up behind her, and proudly declared it ant free. hahahahahha. and when fifi wanted t join her on her lil island, she said "okay, but must help kill ants okay?" HAHAHAHAHAHHA.. omg. can diieeeeeeeeeee.

i was made t do many stupid things. like BANG trees like farking arsewipes so tt isabel can get her suspense shot of tree branches and leaves rustling. NO.. not isabel's shot. nwc's shot. damn her. because o her and her omens, i had t do e daftest things. like shake dead braches near the boom while looking at the trees isabel was shooting, in tym with the damned swaying o e branches. and we had t record the sound o e hockey stick being dragged, so i had t run w e boom between my legs trying t be quiet, keep in tym w nicole's footsteps [so it wld be less obv tt someone was following her], and stay out o e camera's way. errr i looked like a demented duck with a bad limp. hurr.

did i say tt the tree zat and i were shaking was called the "Paper Bark tree". err meaning tt e bark peels off, and is similar t the colour and texture o paper. mm meaning... tt when we shake, the bark comes flying downwards, into my hair, covering my face and onto my already furryfied[from my persians] BLACK top. steaaaaaaam. ~~i love wei chin man.~~

anyway, the shoot passed w/out much incident, except minor ones such as the blardy turny thing tt sets the bubble [okay i noe u guys have no idea in freezing hell wot im talking abt, but its damn hard t explain unless u do locvid], not being able t turn and the rubber thang coming away from the metal thang [yes u still dunno do you?].
OH.. this HUUUUUGE ANT crawled up my right leg and i,caught unawares and vunerable, started screaming like mad fcuk. but im telling you, it was BIIIIIIIG. damn it. so i was yelping away, and i hopped [errr well not really hopped, more o swung my leg over t pj in desperation] in hope tt she wld be brave and sweep it away. but noooooo... she added t my hysteria by shouting "NO.. DUN SWEEP IT TO MEEEEE.. NOOOOOOOOOOO". so a sudden burst o courage. or despair swept over me, and i oh so valiently brushed it off. thennnn.. i stomped on it with allllll myyy strength, giving a victorious cry of "DIE YOU FUCKER!". okay, i lost all my elgante gentelity... its not my fault. -.-

my baby is sweet. he shouldnt worry so much tho. i can mend. [: all i need is you.

you love me too much boy.

Speak - say the words that no one else will ever say
Love - love like the world we know is over in a day
You're beautiful and I am weakened by the force of your eyes
So shine bright to separate the truth from the lies
I'm gonna show you love

just like how i love you too much

2004-08-23T18:59:00.000+08:00

hahahahaha.. fer girls who like weddings and noe wot t not get.
clickclick

hurr.. wot the fcuk am i doing online? im spsd tbe studying!!. my poor boy gets very stressed whenever i have some work t do or some deadline t meet or in this case, an exam t study fer. hahaha he gets very distressed cos i dun study or do wots required o me. mmm -.- as the deadline nears, and the work piles you can hear his voice take on a slighlty desperate edge, as he tries t cajoule and/or motivate me.
hahhahaha as he said, "our minds work in different ways".. they do. ones a scientist and the others an artist. however, our bond is stronger than those differences. we balance each other. we're good for each other. [: and i love him so much. even more when i hear tt little bit o hysteria and know its because he loves me so much, which is why he worries fer me.

ive done.. well ha not much really. ive got one set o lecture notes left. sodding lecture 7. its blardy long and its bleeding boring. damn man.. mm i guess i shld go. or ill get another scolding from him. -.-

good luck t all us poor shitters who have medisoc tom, and e rest o e cohort who have webgra. gooood luck t ussss. |: oh and good luck t my locvid grp who is shooting tom, as well as sam and kheng's grp who has t see nwc. tommorrow is gonna be one hell o a day.

They say we're young and we don't know
We won't find out until we grow
Well I don't know if all that's true
'Cause you got me, and baby I got you

2004-08-22T18:34:00.000+08:00

i dont wanna fight no more. im tired of hurting, tired o crying, tired o being angry, tired o the conundrum in my skull. i just want to love you.

i hate it when we fight. cos the seperation just kills me. the concoction of confliting feelings rents me apart. im filled with rage,love, misery, vindictiveness, fragility, sensitivity, volition, belligerance, frailty. and i dont want t back down, but i want things t be resolved. and i dont want to hurt you, but i strike with that intention. i cant think straight cos my mind is clouded with vehemence yet i can see the essense of wot we're fighting about. im ashamed yet unabashed.

i hate it when we fight.

because i know i love you, and at the end of the day, we both nurse our wounds and lick each others. it seems so pointless to fight, to go to tt extent, to hurt ourslves and the the other party who we love. but i know it isnt, because with each fight, we grow stronger. with each hurt, we cherish the love more. with each tear shed, we make the future effort not to give the other cause to shed them again. every relationship has to be worked on if it wants t succeed.and every relationship needs to be fought out. literally as well as figuritively. which is what we're doing. and we'll keep on doing.

we both need to make changes. we cant expect to live like we have in the past and the other t concede. im willing to make the change, and i know you are too. we still have a long way to go baby boy. but i want to make this work, and im prepared make the effort, give all it takes, go the distance.

hold my hand and we'll walk this road together.
i love you